354: Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Kids (and Adults)
with Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC
Listen on Apple Podcasts | Spreaker | Spotify | iHeart Radio
There’s nothing more heartbreaking than watching your child stand on the outside, longing to belong. I’ve been there, and I know how deeply it can affect not just our kids, but us as parents too. In this episode, I’m joined by friendship expert Caroline Maguire to talk about why making and keeping friends can feel so hard for neurodivergent kids, teens, and even adults.
We unpack the real reasons behind social struggles, from executive function challenges and emotional regulation to differences in interests, communication styles, and developmental timelines. Caroline shares powerful insights into why trying to “fit in” often backfires, and how true belonging comes from embracing who our kids already are.
We also talk about how to support our kids in finding their people in ways that actually work for their brains. That means leaning into their interests, choosing environments that fit their energy and sensory needs, and letting go of outdated expectations about how friendships are “supposed” to look. We even dive into the challenges young adults face when the built-in social structure of school disappears, and how to rebuild connection in a more intentional way.
If you’ve ever worried that your child might never find real connection, this conversation will offer both reassurance and practical direction. Friendship is learnable, belonging is possible, and our kids don’t have to change who they are to get there.
Listen in for a conversation that will shift how you think about connection, confidence, and what it really means to find your people.
Friendship isn’t just about social skills. It’s about nervous systems, identity, and belonging. And for neurodivergent kids, the path to connection often looks very different than what we were taught to expect.
Many of our kids struggle socially not because they lack desire or effort, but because their brains process the world differently. They may communicate more directly, struggle with impulse control, or find it hard to track the flow of conversation. Executive function challenges can make it difficult to maintain friendships over time, while emotional sensitivity can make rejection feel overwhelming. Add in sensory differences, and suddenly even the environment itself becomes a barrier to connection.
What we often miss is that these differences are not deficits. They are simply mismatches between our kids and the environments or expectations placed on them.
When we push kids to “fit in,” we’re often asking them to suppress who they are. And that rarely leads to meaningful connection. Instead, it creates a painful cycle of masking, rejection, and shame. Over time, that erodes confidence and makes future social attempts even harder.
Real belonging happens when kids find people who appreciate them as they are. That starts with aligning social opportunities to their interests and energy. A highly active child may thrive in movement-based activities, while a quieter, introverted child may feel safest connecting in smaller or more structured environments. Interest becomes the bridge to connection.
This shift also applies as kids grow into young adults. Without the built-in social structure of school, connection requires more intention. That can feel overwhelming, especially when past experiences have shaped negative beliefs about belonging. But when we help our kids identify their interests, values, and social preferences, we give them a roadmap for finding their people.
And perhaps most importantly, we need to redefine what friendship looks like. It’s not about having a large group or constant social activity. Research consistently shows that one or two meaningful connections are far more impactful than a wide circle of acquaintances.
When we support our kids in building authentic connections, rather than forcing conformity, we’re not just helping them make friends. We’re helping them build confidence, resilience, and a sense of belonging that carries into adulthood.
Belonging doesn’t come from changing who our kids are. It comes from helping them find environments and relationships where they are naturally accepted. When we shift from fixing to supporting, everything changes.
Social struggles in neurodivergent kids are often rooted in executive function, emotional regulation, and sensory differences. Understanding these underlying factors allows us to respond with empathy instead of pressure.
Confidence grows through connection. When kids experience even small moments of acceptance, it builds the foundation they need to take more social risks and form deeper relationships over time.
What You'll Learn
Why friendship can feel harder for neurodivergent kids and what’s really driving those challenges
How to help your child find their people by aligning with their interests and energy
Why forcing kids to “fit in” can backfire and what to do instead
How to support introverted or socially anxious kids in building connection safely
Ways to help teens and young adults build friendships outside of school environments
MY GUEST
Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC
Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC is an internationally recognized expert in social-emotional learning, ADHD coaching, and relationship development. She is the author of the award-winning book, Why Will No One Play with Me? and the forthcoming FRIENDSHIP SKILLS FOR NEURODIVERGENT ADULTS (Balance Books, April 2026), and hosts The ADHD Social Playbook podcast. An educator, coach, and sought-after speaker, Caroline developed a comprehensive Social Emotional Learning (SEL) training methodology that equips parents, clinicians, and educators with practical tools to build self-awareness, emotional regulation, social understanding, and meaningful relationships. As a neurodivergent person with ADHD, dyslexia, and learning disabilities, she brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work.
Maguire is a graduate of Trinity College and holds a Masters in Education and early childhood development from Lesley University. She is also a graduate of the ADD Coach Academy (ADDCA) and the founder and director of ADDCA’s Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families, the only family-focused coach training program accredited by the International Coach Federation (ICF). A featured TEDx speaker and a keynote presenter at the International Conference on ADHD, her work has been covered in U.S. News & World Report, MindBodyGreen, Salon, Huffington Post, TODAY Parenting, ADDitude, Attention Magazine, and WebMD. She lives outside of Boston. Learn more at her website, on Instagram, and LinkedIn.
Resources
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Beautifully Complex 354
Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Kids (and Adults), with Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC
[00:00:12] Penny Williams: Welcome back, everybody. I'm so happy to have you with us and listening in this episode. I am so fortunate to have Caroline McGuire with me, who is an expert in friendship skills and social skills and relationships for neurodivergent individuals, kids and adults.
And we're going to talk a bit in general about how to make friends at different ages when you are neurodivergent. And for us as parents, how can we support that process, support building skills?
I get that question a lot from parents—how do I help? What can I do? So I'm sure we're going to dive into that as well. But Caroline, will you start by letting everybody know who you are and what you do?
[00:01:05] Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC: I will. Thank you for having me. It's been too long. Writing a book takes one's time—it's a necessary evil.
So I am Caroline McGuire. I am a certified ADHD coach. I've been coaching for 21 years, and I am also a trainer. I run a program at the ADD Coach Academy.
When I first started coaching, I had been left out. I had been bullied. And I immediately noticed this theme—ADHD people and kids not having friends.
I hadn't had the context that my social struggles were ADHD. I just knew I had struggled. So I went and got a master’s degree in how to teach neurodivergent people to make friends—social skills, social-emotional learning, executive function.
I've been working for 21 years with folks of all ages. My first book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, worked for families and kids. I wanted to do a book that covered teenagers, young adults, and adults as well.
The methods can be applied to any age group. This book is the culmination of years of work with teens, young adults, and adults, because the struggle is still there.
[00:03:20] Penny Williams: Yeah, amazing. And it's such a struggle—we hear about it all the time. One of the things I really love about your work is that you let everybody know that belonging is possible.
It may be a struggle, but it's possible. Friendship is learnable, and you really don't have to change who you are to have friends, right?
[00:03:45] Caroline Maguire: I'm so glad you got that because I'm always worried people think I'm asking them to change—and I'm really not.
[00:03:50] Penny Williams: Yeah, no. That's the beauty of the work we're all trying to do. This is a wonderfully, beautifully complex person, and they're worthy of everything just as they are.
We're not trying to change kids. We just want to help them live their best life—whatever that looks like for them.
Can we talk a little bit about why making friends is difficult when you're neurodivergent?
[00:04:24] Caroline Maguire: Yes, let's start there.
I think there are a few things. One, the way we look at the world is different. That has so many positives—we're creative, we build things others can't see.
But it can also create challenges. People say, “Why can't we just say what we mean?” or “Why wouldn't you want to talk about my special interests?”
Then there’s executive function—the management system of the brain. Self-regulation affects conversation, staying on topic, not interrupting.
There’s planning and prioritizing—even scheduling a dinner with friends can feel like a complicated puzzle.
There’s emotional regulation—we feel things deeply. Sensory differences mean not every environment works for us.
There’s also future thinking—people fall off our radar. You think you texted someone back, but it’s been a month and a half. Then the shame cycle kicks in.
For kids, there’s also maturity. There can be a three- to five-year delay. A nine-year-old might have the humor of a five-year-old, so they don’t match their peers.
All of this impacts friendships.
[00:08:43] Penny Williams: And I think that makes parents really desperate to help their kids fit in.
But at the same time, you can't change who they are. My own kid was super hyperactive, and kids would tire of being around him. It was so hard to watch.
What would you say to that parent?
[00:09:48] Caroline Maguire: I totally want to acknowledge that struggle. It’s so hard to watch.
One of the things I talk about is that we find our people differently and we friend differently.
For a hyperactive kid, I would say they need to make friends on the move. Don’t put them in a library—put them in soccer, frisbee, active environments.
Confidence is key. If a child has friends and confidence, we can later help them build deeper connections. But if they’re alone, confidence drops.
Interest is our fuel. If we match kids to their interests and energy, they’re more likely to find their people.
[00:13:13] Penny Williams: The old way was “you need to fit in.”
[00:13:16] Caroline Maguire: Exactly. But fitting in doesn’t create belonging.
We’re cooking with the ingredients for cornbread and expecting cookies. We compress ourselves, pretend to like things we don’t, and then wonder why it doesn’t work.
[00:14:14] Penny Williams: That sense of belonging is everything.
Let’s talk about young adults. It’s really hard to find your people after school. What advice do you have?
[00:15:41] Caroline Maguire: We need to think intentionally about who our people are.
Interest is key. Join high-interest, interactive activities. That might even be online.
Volunteering is also powerful—you meet people with shared values.
We have to build a new landscape for connection outside of school.
[00:19:30] Penny Williams: What about introverts?
[00:21:00] Caroline Maguire: We have to honor who we are.
Everyone has a different “social cup.” Introverts need different environments—smaller, safer spaces.
It’s about balance. If a teen never sees friends outside school, I’d encourage moving toward “sometimes.”
But also recognize energy limits—neurodivergent kids can be tapped out.
And sometimes what kids call “friends” are really acquaintances. Building deeper connection takes time.
[00:26:22] Penny Williams: It’s about quality, not quantity.
I remember my son joining robotics and finally saying, “I have real friends.”
[00:28:42] Caroline Maguire: That’s why interest-based groups are so powerful.
We have to abandon the idea that all kids fit the same mold. Find where the accepting kids are.
[00:32:34] Penny Williams: It really is about finding your people.
[00:33:23] Caroline Maguire: You can find my book anywhere books are sold. I’m also on Instagram at authorcarolinem.
[00:34:23] Penny Williams: Thank you so much for being here.
[00:35:13] Penny Williams: I’ll see everybody next time. Take good care.
hey there!
I help stuck and struggling parents (educators, too) make the pivots necessary to unlock success and joy for neurodivergent kids and teens, themselves, and their families. I'm honored to be part of your journey!
Host of Beautifully Complex. I help stuck and struggling parents (educators, too) make the pivots necessary to unlock success and joy for neurodivergent kids and teens, themselves, and their families. I'm honored to be part of your journey!
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