Executive function is one of those quiet forces shaping our daily lives, yet most of us didn’t hear the term until long after we became parents. We’re left trying to make sense of the constant trail of unfinished tasks — shoes abandoned in the kitchen, backpacks spilled across the entryway, cereal bowls fossilizing on the counter. It’s easy to slip into frustration or blame. But behind those open loops lies something far more meaningful: a developing brain doing the best it can.
Executive function is the collection of mental skills that help us plan, organize, shift, initiate, follow through, and regulate ourselves. It’s the inner GPS that allows us to choose a goal, map the route, notice obstacles, and try again when something changes. And for neurodivergent kids, especially those with ADHD, this internal system simply doesn’t come online at the same pace as their peers. It’s not a character flaw. It’s wiring. It’s development. It’s human.
When we begin to see EF challenges as lagging skills rather than defiance, everything softens. We stop asking, “Why won’t they do this?” and start asking, “What support helps this become doable?”
One of the most powerful shifts we can make is moving from closing loops for our kids to closing loops with them. It’s faster to toss their socks in the hamper or pack their backpack yourself, but it robs them of the small but important satisfaction of finishing a task. That sense of completion is what builds internal motivation and confidence over time.
Our kids need practice, but they also need systems that work for their developing brains. That’s where environmental clarity becomes a superpower. When everything has a home — and the home is reachable, visible, and consistent — our kids don’t have to rely on working memory alone. Labels, pictures, baskets on lower shelves… these aren’t signs of inability, they’re supports that honor how a neurodivergent nervous system processes the world.
And then there’s the quiet magic of narrating our internal processes. When we say things like, “Hmm, it looks cloudy. I wonder if we need jackets,” we’re offering a window into the problem-solving steps our kids can’t see. Declarative language creates space. Pauses communicate trust. Narration teaches the invisible.
At the heart of all EF support lies connection. Kids practice harder things when they feel safe. They take risks when someone is beside them. They grow skills when we shift from correcting to co-constructing.
Executive function isn’t built through pressure, it’s built through partnership.
And the beautiful truth is this: small steps matter. One new habit, one calmer moment, one clarified system can ripple through your home in unexpected ways. You don’t have to fix everything at once. You don’t have to be perfectly organized. You just have to start where you are, with the child you have, and build gently from there.
