There’s something unspoken in the parenting journey about the ache and fear in letting go — especially when raising neurodivergent kids. We want our children to thrive, but also to be safe. We want them to be independent, but we’ve spent years doing everything for them because the world felt too harsh, too fast, too unprepared.

Kristin Lombardi and Dr. Christine Drew have seen it firsthand. Both experts in supporting neurodivergent youth toward more independent futures, they know that most parents aren’t failing — they’re stuck in a pattern of protection. A pattern that makes sense, but one that shrinks their child’s opportunities for growth over time.

What they offer instead is not blame or shame, but a roadmap.

They describe it as “slow fading” — the idea that we don’t rip the Band-Aid off or drop kids into the deep end. We back off gradually. We scaffold. We give them tools like automatic toothpaste dispensers or visual cues. We stop doing it for them and start teaching them how to do it — even if it takes dozens more repetitions than we expected. And we pay attention to the readiness of not just the child, but the parent, too.

This isn’t about forcing independence. It’s about building it, gently and deliberately, in everyday moments. Moving toothbrushing practice to the weekend when mornings feel like a battlefield. Narrating our own processes — like putting shoes away or organizing our day — so our kids learn by witnessing. Making peace with the fact that our way isn’t the only way.

In the end, fostering independence isn’t about control. It’s about choice. And when we give our kids the skills they need to take care of themselves, we’re not just setting them up for success — we’re expanding their world.