017: Throwing Out the Traditional Parenting Rulebook for Parenting Success
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You have to get your mind right in order to be an effective parent to a child with ADHD. One of the facets of getting your mind right for this special parenthood is to throw out the traditional parenting rulebooks and norms, and rewrite a custom parenting rulebook for your child, where they are today. For your child, and your entire family. In this podcast, I explain what I mean by writing your own rulebook for parenting, and how to go about it.
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Raising Human Beings, Ross Greene Ph.D.
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Host of Beautifully Complex. I help stuck and struggling parents (educators, too) make the pivots necessary to unlock success and joy for neurodivergent kids and teens, themselves, and their families. I'm honored to be part of your journey!
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As a parent of two children(7 & 8) whom are newly diagnosed – it sounds as if it’s better to parent via bribery or reward than crime/punishment – am I understanding this correctly? My wife and I are in the beginning phases of rewriting our parenting rule book and appreciate your podcasts. Thanks in advance!!
I wouldn't use the terms “bribery” or “reward” to craft your parenting approaches. Instead, I'd call it a Positive Parenting Approach. Rewards and praise are good, but shouldn't be bribery.
The keys are to offer validation and empathy, accept that what your child is conveying is what is true for THEM, in that moment, offer a positive attitude as much as possible, and focus on strengths, talents, gifts, and building self-esteem as much as possible and more than focusing on weakness. When you work collaboratively with your kids, everyone is heard and validating and then you can come up with meaningful solutions together. Ask your kids “How can I help you?” when they're struggling or challenging you. That's a very simplistic, very simple overview of what I teach.
You can grab my FREE 5 Most Effective Parenting Strategies for ADHD Guide on the home page of ParentingADHDandAutism.com. Also, check out podcast episodes 003, 011, 012, 013 and 015, which all discuss aspects of what I just outlined in my answer here.