ADHD, Autism and Discrimination at School
The other day I took my children to the park for a play date. It was one of those fantastic North Carolina days where the air was warm, the breeze was light, and one could forget that it was winter. My girlfriend was lamenting how her son, “Isaac,” was being punished at school by having his recess revoked and getting the dreaded silent lunches. This sweet boy has a heart of gold and is incredibly bright, but struggles in the classroom due to his ADHD. I know, you are all eye rolling and head nodding — if you have a child with ADHD, then there’s about a 100% chance that your kiddo has been forced to have a similar consequence.
This blog isn't about how terrible it is for a kiddo that can't stop fidgeting or sharing his/her thoughts spontaneously to be forced to not move or talk. This is about how to know if your child is being discriminated against in school by the teacher. No one likes to talk about this subject, because it is uncomfortable.
Discrimination is defined as the “unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people or things, especially on the grounds of race, age, or sex.” Your child, if they have an educational disability, falls into the “different category of people.”
Discrimination in the classroom can look different than say, discrimination in the workplace. For example, it’s discrimination when a teacher knows that your child has an IEP, has signed the IEP, and still requests that your child complete the work of his/her neurotypical peers — commenting about the lack of ability to get the work done. When a teacher knows that your child has a modification but chooses not to apply or enforce it, that’s discrimination. Another example: your child has a documented executive functioning disorder and the teacher gives your child a “mark” for not having his agenda signed. If a teacher has participated in the IEP meeting, signed the IEP, and still does not abide by the law, this is discrimination. If your child is punished for having a disability, or for not being able to keep up when they are unable to do so, they are being discriminated against.
Now, let's be clear. If your child receives a demerit for bad behavior, this is not discrimination. If your child is afforded all of his/ her right's and the teacher is bending over backwards to follow the IEP by applying all modifications and giving extra accommodations and he/she still gets poor grades or demerits, it’s not discrimination. But if your child has it documented that he gets to chew gum for timed assessments and is not only denied the right to use this accommodation but is punished for chewing gum, then there is discrimination happening.
Now that we have identified discrimination, what do we do about it if it is happening to your child? First, as a parent of a child with educational needs, I am sure you have a notebook that you use to keep track of all incidents, emails, notes, forms, and blood type (just kidding, not really). If you don't have one of these, make one.
Second, determine if this is an isolated incident or if there is perpetual discrimination happening on a regular basis. Teachers can have bad days, too. The key is to discern whether the teacher is ignorant or arrogant. If ignorant, educate them on the definition of executive function disorder, ADHD, or whatever disability your child has which enables him or her to have challenges in the classroom.
If you find that the teacher struggles with arrogance — knowing your child has a disability and still giving consequences that are unreasonable and illegal — then you need to proceed with writing a strongly worded letter. Be bold! USE THE WORD DISCRIMINATION with examples of the incidents which are or have occurred. Send it to the teacher with a guilt-free conscience. No, you aren't going to make the situation worse for your child. Yes, you will make the teacher mad. But an even bigger yes, you are advocating for your child that he/she make be taught in a safe environment where a person with a disability isn't seen as a burden, but a blessing.
If the teacher does not respond after a few days, write again to see if you were heard. If you still receive no response, forward your initial letter to the Principal of your school, and the Exceptional Children’s Director. Give it a week and call a meeting. You are calling for accountability purposes, not to stir the pot. You are standing firm and strong for your child's rights. One day he/ she will stand on their own, but until then, you are the voice for your child.
My friend, aka my soul sista (we all have one, don't we?) does not at this time have an IEP for her son. This matters because the teacher is not bound by any law to treat “Isaac” any differently than any other neurotypical child. He is, at this time, being held to a standard of every other child, even though his brain doesn't process like every other child. Therefore, silent lunches and revoked recess are in his future until further notice. It's not discrimination because he doesn't fall under the “different category of people”…yet.
PS — The day I wrote this blog she received a note from the teacher complaining about “Isaac's” terrible behavior and listed all the punishments he had received this week, noting that nothing was working. Ms. Teacher — if nothing is working, you might want to try a different strategy. Soul Sista is sending a formal request for testing to begin this week.
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My child has severe ADHD and autism he has physical therapy on Tuesdays and Thursdays my child's teacher contacted me on Friday and said that we have a Christmas program coming up on Thursday and because your child leaves on Tuesdays and Thursdays for physical therapy he does not know the songs for the Christmas program so we suggest that he does not participate in the program they did not tell me that he was missing out on music class they did not tell me that he was not going to be able to participate in the program until Friday and they made him stay in the classroom by himself why the other class went to another school to practice for the program so here we are three days from the program and he knows nothing no songs nothing so they don't want him coming at all instead of sending me something home saying hey he's missing music class you know let's figure out something so that he could participate with his peers he'll send me home something so I can help him practice nothing just told me they don't want him coming
That is discrimination, plain and simple. I would tell them they need to find a way to include him in the program. Give him a special sign to hold or something. It is NOT ok to exclude him.
My child has autism and is not allowed to attend field trips with the class or is he allowed to be in the school annual. He has a one on one. She's paid all day. Yet we are required to pick him up everyday at 1000 am. He only gets to go 2 hrs a day. Any advice?
It looks like you're in NC. If so, reach out to the ECAC and they can help you with school issues. https://www.ecac-parentcenter.org/
If you're in WNC, FIRST can help as well: https://firstwnc.org/
I am just so peeved about this. What part of NC are you in? Yes – contact the ECAC they will have you send over the IEP and help you out!
I have issues with iep not being implemented at all. I contacted principal and administrative to catch it early. I have also informed teachers that they were not following iep. The principal told me that he told the teachers not to communicate with me because I was trying to catch them not following the iep when all I wanted was for it to be implemented. The comm. we had was using livegrades, so it was in writing. The livegrades is the parent/teacher communication system. The disabilities manager and principal changed the meaning of the iep in their responses back to me to make it look good on paper. I asked for solutions the beg. of the year and met with them several times. I sent my complaints in and their responses left out my complaints of how they were not following the iep. They waited the entire year to give me nothing to solve the issues, so they wouldn't have to change grades, due to not following the iep. They never made corrections and totally ignored me the entire year. I sent my documentation to them proving it was not done, but they now say it is too late to change the grades. My questions are: is it too late to change grades when they have been submitted? Is there anything I can do about the grades or submit a letter to someone to attach to his grades stating his grades are due to iep not being followed and my concerns not addressed in a timely manner before grades were due? Is it discrimination when a teacher knows a child has a documented executive functioning disorder (doc diagnosis) and she grades him on focusing, staying on task, prepared for class, not goofying off when she knows he won't be able to keep up with this expectation? He also has all of the things she graded him on in his school evaluation report as critical concerns. This last one is not in his iep because I never heard of a teacher grading a child's disability before and the teacher never spoke up to include this in the iep since that is how she ran her classroom. I asked her to make this extra credit instead of just a straight grade, but the school's response was she gave him partial points and he needs to be held accountable for his inappropriate behavior and actions within the classroom. Having a disability does not excuse him to have inappropriate behavior. They did make a FBA after this incident and played they had no idea that this was a concern or needed attention before now.
Hi Tiffany! It sounds like you need some help to hold the school accountable for implementing the IEP, and creating an IEP that's appropriate for your child. An educational advocate would be ideal, and some states or school districts provide them free, and some areas have non-profits that offer free advocacy services. Otherwise, this is a service parents must pay for.
Is the school allowed to grade his disability when it is not in his iep? The teacher knew his background and knew he had an iep, she just gave an unrealistic expectation and graded him on his disability which was focusing, staying on task, not goofying off, prepared for class. All his testing showed these as areas of concern. We did not make it part of the iep because nobody came forward at the time the iep was developed to state this was going to be graded. She did not curve the grade or provide it as extra credit. He just received an f for it. I am in the process of contacting a disability network, but they won't send anybody out my way because I live so far away. They gave me packets from previous conversations, but it doesn't clarify if it is discrimination.
May I help you compose an email to send to the teacher and the school? Let’s do it tonight and have it ready to send in the morning. Your sweet boy should never be left out of a school program due to the ignorance and arrogance of the adults entrusted with the job of his education.
You are the best Jill! So sweet of you to offer. I hope Jessica sees your note and takes you up on your offer! <3
Me too. Just burns me up when those in trusted positions do not consider their actions beyond what makes their lives easier. Education is never about what is easy for the teacher. At least, it should never be this way.
My son Joshua is 9 years old and struggles with ADHD in the 3rd grade. We have just started neurofeedback sessions (so far 2). They won't qualify him for the IEP because he is not failing so they attack his behavior and lack of impulse control. He gets recess revoked, silent lunches, and sometimes suspension. I took him out of school on vacation at the beginning of 3rd grade and they sent me a truancy letter. With his behavior in school and absences they are threatening to revoke his intra-district transfer and send him to another school. I don't know what else to do. This is frustrating!
There's so much more to qualifying for an IEP than academics and grades. Regardless, it is not acceptable to punish a child for behavior related to a disability, which is what your son's school is doing. I would request a Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA), in writing, ASAP. This is a process facilitated by a behavior specialist provided by your school district. This assesses behavior and drafts a plan of strategies for each to implement by all teachers and administrators. This plan is called a Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP). The plan can state what consequences for these behaviors are acceptable and which should not be sued (recess helps kids with ADHD do BETTER in school and silent lunch singles them out socially more than having ADHD already does and suspension is just teaching him he can act out and not have to deal with the stress of school and being so misunderstood there for a while).
Call your state department of special education if the school doesn't follow through on the FBA request. You can file a complaint with the state and/or get an educational advocate to help you fight the school.
Our family just moved to Kansas from Nebraska. My son has ADHD. At the Nebraska school, he had an IEP in which gave him a Para. By the end of second grade, he was doing so well that he did not need the Para anymore and was taken off of his IEP. We kept the IEP just in case, transferred everything to Kansas. We requested an updated IEP as soon as school started. They did not request a meeting to update it. In the meantime, it has been really rough for my son. The second day of school, he was already getting bullied. He took it for a little bit but now he is lashing back. Sometimes he has gotton physical with the other kids because the teachers are not resolving the issue. He now goes to school everyday, stressed out, knowing there is nobody that will help him or stick up for him. We have had to increase and even change his medication due to the added stress. We have had multiple IEP meetings to get a Para back and they refuse to meet his needs. The school is putting him in an isolation room because of his lack of wanting to do the school work. He is so far behind on his school work because he gets sent home or being put in that room with no teacher to help him with his homework. The principle told us last night that she was going to put him in that room first thing in the morning till he decides he wants to do the school work. In not so nice of words, we told her no she was not. No kid should ever be in that room. We decided to keep him from school today and are exploring legal actions. At the start of school, he had mild ADHD, he has now been diagnosed with severe ADHD. His counselor told me the other day that he has the worst ADHD that she has ever seen. That school has pushed him to his limits. Looking for some advice!
My son has had two school years like this, where school refused to see any disability and they pushed him to the brink. Do whatever it takes to remediate this situation or remove him. It really is that dire.
I LOVE what Penny wrote and am smiling because it is exactly what I would recommend. The only thing I would add is to perhaps CC the guidance counselor, EC teacher and Vice Principal on the FBA request. Does your sweet boy have a 504 for his behavior? This is not uncommon in our state, NC, for a kiddo to have a 504 for behavior. Also, has he had an OT evaluation for stimuli or sensory issues? Might be helpful for when he is overstimulated to have a break box, etc. This would all be in the BIP.
My son has sleeping desturbance related to his autism , he awak in the middle of the night and he stay up till in the morning and he fall a sleep in the morning so how could I force him to wake him up and send to school ?so I told his teachers and I gave them the paper note from his doctor but they send me the letter that how many absents he has and they Send me lot of pages paper from the school , and the doctor refers me to the hearing screening and I made the appointment but they put on his file his hearing screening is fail because they did not revive the result on time and they put the conclusion because when they ask him some thing he failed answer but they knows if want to answer he can answer this makes me very sad but I don’t know what to do, do you have any idea?
See if you can find a local educational advocate to help you with this. There are often non-profits for families of children with disabilities that can offer this assistance.
My daughter is 8 years old she has autism and adhd. She has a hard time at school, we get called more then ones a week to pick her up from school do to her behavior, she got suspended many times and she was reported to juvenile office too. I don't know what to do no more
Write a letter requesting a Functional Behavior Analysis (FBA) and a resulting Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP). With a documented diagnosis of ADHD and autism, she should NOT be punished for behaviors resulting from disabilities. The FBA process and resulting BIP should address this.
My sister has ADHD, just some trouble staying focused and reading. So my mom walks in the classroom for a Mother’s day event today all the kids sitting in a big round table in the middle of class eating snacks, and my 7 year old sister and 2 other kids which also have adhd were seated at a table facing a wall, A DAMN WALL! When my mom asked my sister she said her teacher told them to sit there. I’m so hurt. Idk who we should contact.
I'm so sad this happens to our sweet kids! I would start with a conversation with the school principal about this. If you don't feel heard, talk to the Director of Special Education/Services/Exceptional Children. This teacher clearly needs to be educated about inclusion (and kindness).
My granddaughter has autism and nonverbal her mother my daughter was killed in a car wreck about a year ago I was reported to dhr for bringing her lunch picky eater and sensory issues feel as though being discriminated and intimidated and was told I couldn’t do this anymore by dhr the principal said it was ok but teacher who is rude to me is not her regular teacher but is special ed is the one reported the situation about her feeding habit and nutrition now she was ordered to feeding therapy at 9 yrs old and I have to take nutrition classes what can I do about this she will not eat Vegas or their lunch am trying to send her things but is hard she only eats about 3 things
The feeding therapist should be able to write a letter to the school stating why her diet is very narrow and that your granddaughter wouldn't eat if she isn't provided the foods she's willing to eat, due to a disability.
My son was diagnosed with severe ADD amd had been affecting his academics. Thankfully about 3 weeks ago he was able ti get on a treatment plan that even his teachers have said it's like night and day. Unfortunately he was excluded from going on his end of the year field trip due to his avademic performance prior to receiving treatment. Am I wrong to think this is discriminatory??
Nope, that was definitely discrimination in my opinion. Heart-breaking.
My son is 11 and is ADHD. This has been apparent since he started school, has been diagnosed, on medications now twice a day, and remains in counseling for his self control. The school has now pressed criminal charges against my 11 year old, stated as “disorderly conduct at school”, a class 2 misdemeanor. Complaint is “by continuously talking when asked to stop talking and having his cell phone out when he was not allowed to” Mind you, this was in the cafeteria, before school hours. I feel this is discrimination, what do you think?
You would need to consult an attorney to know for sure, but this doesn't sound like disability discrimination. It's absolutely ridiculous and not even a little ok, but not likely discrimination (unless he's the only student who is being charged with a crime for this and his impulsivity is causing him to break the rules). I am STUNNED that schools are pressing charges for “continuously talking when asked to stop talking and having his cell phone out when he was not allowed to”!!! No kid should have teen behavior criminalized — EVER. I would call your state's department of education and file a complaint with them.
Hi my 8 year old son diagnosed adhd and awaiting his ados to diagnose asd and matches a PDA profile exactly has been permanently excluded from school when he was needing an adjustment on his adhd meds wouldn't awaiting for his new med dosage be a reasonable adjustment?
Also wouldn't the school noting down all challenging behavior in a book to be passed to me so I could know sooner that his meds needed adjusting? The teachers told me he had had good days then weeks later I'd find out he'd been very challenging.
The incident that he was excluded for was a result of high anxiety and his perception of the situation being mean and unfair added in a lunch time assistant grabbed his hand he the went into fight mode and spat at the assistant immediately after this he was asked why he did it to which he said she deserved it. Hours later he did show remorse for his actions and he explained he was very upset that the kids were mean to him and the assistant didn't try to help him she was mean to him too.
So was he expelled from school? Does he have an IEP? Has he had a FBA?- functional behavioral assessment? Does this behavior notebook travel between different teachers or is it just to keep a record?
Yes he has been expelled the goveners meeting and independent review panel sided with the head teacher the headteacher is now trying to say they think he has an attachment disorder which I googled and my son 100% doesn't have that I'm so upset they'd even try to say that.
This last year he has been on meds his behavior has got loads better so I don't understand why they didn't give him time to get the meds adjusted.
He had one plans and has had quite a few behavioral assessments done.
There wasn't a book I asked for one but the teacher said she didn't have the time to fill it in so I asked every day how his days was and got told he had a good day with no issues then find out weeks later that wasn't true just we couldn't keep track of challenging behaviors for med purposes and to talk to my son about any difficulties he might of been having.
We are planning on taking it to the first tier tribunal.
My boy is a sweet kind amazingly imaginitive unique boy who has issues controlling his emotions and understanding others points of view he isn't bad.
From your message I am wondering- are you in the United States or are you International?
We are in the uk I'm essex.
I recently just took my 5 year old to get evaluated for adhd which the doctor didnt diagnose him. However I have been having issue with the charter school stated that they are not professional trained to deal with behavioral problems children and to take him to get evaluated to see what outcome can I get. But in stead of helping me getting help for my son they just withdrew him and tell me the cant no longer accept him after the 3 day of school I kindergarten . This is the 3rd school that did this to me. So I took it upon myself to go and get him evaluated and the advised counseling but no adhd
Did you take your little one to a psychologist or pediatrician? Did you receive any diagnosis?
Are you taking your kiddo to a public school? If so, put it IN WRITING that you would like a formal evaluation to be completed and submit to the teacher, and guidance counselor. He may not have ADHD but if there are neurological factors at play that are hindering his learning, and behavior, there should be an IEP in place.
Hi. I have a 9 year old daughter who attended a charter school. She was diagnosed with ADHD in October because I pushed for her to be tested and set everything up myself. The in problem is she's being bullied almost every day by different students and no one seems to care. One of her classmates told her today ” your have blind because you were glasses”, my daughter told her teacher. Yes. the teacher said something to the student. I had asked that this student and my daughter be separated the day before. Also her teacher sent me an email stating that my child is not coming prepared. This is summer school because she missed the Math “EOG'” by 2 points and Reading by 7. The teacher is saying she not gonna make it to 4th grade. Yes, in class she has the same class load as the other students. That's not what her IEP states. What can I do?? I'm considering another school for next year that may assist her better. This charter school isn't set up for special education. Yes, during regular school she is pulled out when testing and given extra time but she day dreams about it doodles. Yes. She's on medication but a very low dose. Thank you for taking the time to read this and respond.
We had similar experiences at charter schools and ultimately realized that public mainstream school was going to provide the most support (although not nearly enough). While special education law applies to them, they don't have adequate resources or understanding to follow through. You can file a complaint with your state board of education to report that they are not following the IEP and not providing the resources necessary for this student given her disability. Also, kids don't have to pass EOGs to move on to next grade, especially those with learning disabilities (at least that's true here in NC). Administrators tell teachers they have to pass them to move on to pressure the teachers to pressure the students so their scores are as high as possible for the school. My son's elementary principal told me they have the ability to move them forward.
Thank you so much for this and yes mention discrimination or the T.E.A. (Texas Education Agency) or whichever one oversees the schools if the state in which you live. My 6 year old 1st grade child has ADHD and a nunbnuif things going on including being punished for things that pertain to his ADHD as as well as his medication wsw talked about (The teacher asked if he was still getting his meds and when we said yes, she pricproceto tell us that we needed to “up it” (meaning giving him more without Dr consent) then motioned and pointed her thumb up. He had Recess and sat in linch D-hall (lunch detention) as well as was written up for things like talking loudly and laughing, as wwll as was punished again for being written up. HuH desk was also placed seperate from the other students and sat facing a red cabinet and he also has very poor vision in which he has an upcoming surgery for instead of being placed at the front of the class per his 504 plan. His back was actually the facing the board instead of him being in the front of of the class. If something like this is going on with your child then yes it is absolutely discrimination as well and things like the desk being moved and separated from their peers give the other children the image that there's something wrong and/or that child is bad and leaves them susceptible to being bullied. We finally called the T.E.A. and nentionmeit to the Principal and now we've had another 504 hearing, requested special education testing, a behavioral intervention plan, asked for frequent breaks, preferential seating, retake test for any major grades, instructions to be given and single set format, private discussions about Behavior, and now has a new classroom with a teacher and paraprofessional. Standing up for your child should not make you feel guilty ever! Heck my son doesn't even know when teachers are being rude or are discriminating because not only is he 6 years old but he has some other things that's going on with him and of course the doctor suspects autism but hopefully we'll get that figured out soon with the referrals he has to see other specialists. Conclusion: I mentioned the T.E.A. and discrimination, and now my child is placed with a better and more experienced teacher as well as a paraprofessional is there to help in the room, and it made the principal start to actually do her job! Note: A teacher and/or any other school staff mentioning your child's medication, asking them if they are on medications, asking them if they have taken their medication, and or speaking about their medications to any other person and/or staff member of a school is considered part of their School record and by law it violates the FERPA laws in which the punishment is loss of federal funding for that school. I myself chose to not report it and tell the principal that I did know about her violating that and that I did not want the other children to lose their education because the teacher did not want to do her job and do her part of following through with the 504 plan as well as follow the laws and rights that are set in place for students. In this case if you do choose to follow through with reporting it, then you would need to contact the Secretary of Education. Today is day 2 of the new teacher and I hope that the future holds a lot more positivity and the proper education that my son deserves! Thank you Jill for being an advocate and such a big help to all of us! It's very much needed ❤️???? To all of the mothers struggling to find help for their child, call your local school Education Agency and ask to speak with someone about your rights… Even if you have to leave a message, write a letter, or email…. You need to know what your rights are and if there's an attorney in your area that does free consultations then yes call them! I wish all of you the best of luck and sincerely hope you get the help that you need!
Sincerely, Danielle
My son has ADHD, I medicate him in the morning to get him through school but refuse to medicate him in the afternoon as do want him on sleeping pills to get him through the night. Also he won't eat when medicated! The school id punishing him for non completion of homework but he simply can not sit down and do it in the evening. They are taking away his lunch break and making him do it then I think this is unfair!
First, they can't take away lunch. That's abuse. Second, if you do not have a 504 plan or IEP, you need to request the evaluation for one through the school (Just realized you're probably in the UK — I don't know what disability protections you have in schools there). Then, you can add accommodations for this. When my son was in 1-3rd grades, he worked on homework for a set amount of time — the time the teacher expected his/her students to put in. Then, I wrote on the papers at the top, worked for 30 minutes. In those grades, homework wasn't really for a grade, but there was zero punishment because he worked as long as his peers. Punishing a child for behavior related to a disability is not ok.
So my son has addhd and his school suspends him For every lil thing they possibly can. He has a iep and everything . but if he has a hard time getting to class they suspend him. If another child talks about his dead grandma and he responds to it he gets suspended. The security guard threatens my son and my son calls him a name he gets suspended. I send my child to child everyday but the school literally makes up excuses just to send him home so they wont have to deal with him. Talk to princapal the district the truancy officer. And nothing is being done. Does anyone have any opinions or options….
Request a Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA) and a Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP) in writing ASAP. This is massive discrimination. At this point, I'd tell them (in that request for FBA) that you will be filing a discrimination complaint with the US Dept of Civil Rights if they don't stop punishing your child for his disability immediately. Make sure you cc the school principal and your school board's director of special education/services/exceptional children. They are destroying your son.
My sons Autistic, has mood disorder, and microcephalism and sensory disorder and adhd and learning delayed he just turned 7 and is the same size as my son that just turned 5 (my 5 year old is just a little bigger)
The teacher is constantly asking for me to send in his meds so if he doesnt have them they can give them to him, and is constantly assuming he hasn't had his meds because he ate more today or is acting off or out more that day.
She sent him home one day because he was having a day where he was acting up, she called I told her it was his father's birthday, he gets overload about birthdays, she later sent him to the nurse to go home because he wouldn't work(he doent do much work anyway)I got him, the next day he kept saying he wanted to go home, and wouldn't do work so she took away recess and made him eat by himself.
On his birthday when he brought cupcakes to school she sent a letter saying he was really acting out and after a staff member spoke with him and walked away he pulled down his pants(which he hates clothing and when he has over load he does that) he yelled at another student for stopping their feet .. but dtoping nose bothers him ,he doesnt like it. I get notes every day.. today about him touching a staff members butt.. I asked him what he did, to show me, I told him to do it to his brother and he put his hand on his brothers back and one on his chest like a light hugging ( my son is not and never has been perverted) he had a mother note about how he ran into chairs, it turned out he told the teacher that he was pushed by class mates into the chairs after they were mean and hit him but the teacher did not write that, and when i later addressed it she said owen was right, that that's what happend.
Notes about him being confrontational one day.
That owen goes into rants like silly but head, butt face, butt silly head, when other kids have said something mean. He will tell me they were mean but the teacher wont.
Wondering if he took his meds because he would not stop talking and couldnt foccus.
(he just learned how to hold a pencil and still hasn't gotten it down great)
I feel like they know nothing about his disabilities!
I sent in money for a field trip and a week later they sent me a letter asking for the money, I replied that it was sent in already and if they misplaced it to let me know that I'd sent it in again, another week gos by and they send a note home saying he can't go due to no payment. So I wrote a note and taped the money in the book we write back and forth in, and said that I already sent in the money and wrote a note if they needed it to let me know and they never replied. So the book came home with the money still in it saying the principal would be contacting me. She did, she said the 4 staff members never seen the money, I said well it never came back and I offered to send it again if they didnt find it and they never replied and she said shed have to go over the notes.. but the money is still in there and I've heard nothing.
I just wrote her a note tonight saying that he is unique and not alike another other child and has troubles everyday with his disabilities , I told her that I dont feel like the staff is understanding to his disabilities and gave her the example of sending him home and the next keeping him from recess and eating alone was discriminating.
My son with Autism was excluded from going on 5th grade camp field trip without any notice or offers of me chaperoning him. I only knew of the trip after hearing the other chidren talk about how much fun they had. My question is, why does someone get excluded from field trips if they don't have a history of violence or any behaviour problems? We talked about this all year and now he wonders why he doesnt get to go on field trips with his peers. Was this legal? His last school he went on at least 3 field trips a year. He hasn't gone on any at this school although they offer them to other students.
It certainly does sound like discrimination. Your child should never be excluded, and definitely not without notifying you BEFORE it happens. I'd meet with the principal to discuss this. It's not ok to do this to a child. It's emotionally damaging.
My sons school says they do not provide services for autism and have been trying to place him elsewhere since finding out his medical diagnosis, He has an IEP they have refused looking into a one on one aid for him. and he has been suspended twice due to behavior issues caused by sensory overload.
If he is in public school in the US, they don't have the option of not providing services for autism. It's required by law. I would request a Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA) so they can develop an appropriate Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP). It's important that he is not punished for behaviors related to autism.
My 9 year old son was diagnosed with ADHD about 4 weeks ago and started medication 3 weeks ago. He has been at the same school for the past 2 years undiagnosed. Lunch has been the worst! He has been bullied multiple times by multiple students, but the students managed to turn it around on him after he reacted. These students know he will not stick up for himself. He has been called names, teased, taunted and these kids are relentless. When he reacts, a student will fake cry and raise their hand and blame everything on my son and the lunch aide believes the other students and is determined that my son is a “bad kid”. After my son is given consequences, and the lunch aide walks away, the kids start laughing because they were able to get my son in trouble. This has been going on for over 2 years. I thought finally getting him diagnosed would alleviate the situation but it has not. He has been sitting at a table by himself for 4 of the 5 weeks of school. The Lunch Aide told him that he will be sitting by himself for the rest of the year. The school says that they are working on a 504 Plan and will have a meeting, but I am not allowed to attend. I do not believe he has had an FBA. I have received no paperwork or referrals with information on why my son is sitting by himself at lunch. In my mind, this is discrimination and unfair. We have had meetings with the principal and assistant principles but nothing changes.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Thank you
This is unacceptable for so many reasons! A child should never be isolated from the group for an entire school year, again, for many reasons. If the principal isn't hearing you, go over his or her head. The way the school is treating your son is not acceptable, and is actually very harmful to him. They are punishing the victim. Also, while I don't think the law requires them to allow you to attend 504 meetings (it is required for IEP meetings), it's a huge red flag that they are preventing you from attending. If you can, hire an educational advocate who knows the law and who the school will know they can't lie to and manipulate, like they are trying to do to you. Personally, if you can't get someone in your school system to work with you and your son, I'd call the news media and let them know there's a local school punishing the victim of bullying. That publicity will definitely get someone's attention.
To : Penny Williams,
Thank you very much for the information you gave to me in your reply. After so many years of my son being bullied with NO help from the school administration or the school district, your ideas make sense. I have researched specific assessments that need to be done so my son is helped and not punished further. I think your news media idea is a good one for a future date. If (and this is a strong if) I were to do this, it would be to help other students and families in the same school and the same school district. It would not be done only to help my son.
My first thought was to start a parent group within the school to unite together. That way no one has to do this alone. We could stand up to the school and school district so they uphold their anti-bullying campaign. For many years It’s been only talk.
Just an idea.
What do you think
OMG… did you really just tell this lady to go to the media about her 9 year old being the victim of bullying? Did the possibility ever occur that maybe the kid is lying about “not being the one who started it” when confronted? I have a a little girl with no disabilities who has nightmares from a kid in her class with behavioral issues that can’t keep his hands to himself. Who can i sue for her trauma?
I never suggesting suing anyone. What I suggested was to go through all the proper channels first. She has already experienced much resistance from the school, so all the proper channels all the way up may not work. IF that's the case, let school officials know you'll go to the media to make it right, if that's what it takes. We cannot let the schools lie to us and walk all over our kids. Not helping her son is the school also bullying HIM.
To Anonymous,
You sound very angry, but this blog/website is intended for children that do NOT have a disability. I think you are in the wrong place.
Calling my child a liar without knowing anything else about him or that has happened to him is a bit ignorant. Educate yourself and do not assume things.
In case you actually would like to know some facts, here are a few.
My son has been bullied for 5 years by mean kids. At a school function, I was pushed down onto the floor by one of the 6 year old girls who helped hold my son down (3 days earlier) so he could be beaten up by 8 boys. Parents of other children at the school, teachers, other students, and I have all witnessed verbal and physical abuse toward my son. I have seen months worth of video camera footage. Is this enough or should I keep going?
You are completely out of line for assuming that my child is a liar.
Thank you for the help. This information is more than helpful!
MY GRANDSON HAS ADHD HE TAKES MEDICATION AND IS CURRENTLY GOING THREW CHANGES IN MEDICATION, HE ALSO GOES TO THERPY TO HELP WITH BP. HE ISNT HAVING TO MANY PROBLEMS IN SCHOOL BUT HAS ISSUES WITH HIS AFTER SCHOOL CARE WHICH IS HELD THERE AT THE SCHOOL. MY DAUGHTER WAS TOLD THAT THEY HAVE HAD TO PUT HIM IN THEIR OFFICE AT LEAST TWICE A WEEK, THEY SAID THEY GAVE HIM NOTES TO GIVE TO HER OR HIS STEP DAD, WHICH OF COURSE THEY NEVER GOT, THE AFTER SCHOOL CARE KNOWS HE HAS ADHD THEY KNOW HIS MEDICATION IS BEING ADJUSTED AND THAT HE GOES TO THERPY, BUT TOLD HER LAST WEEK HE HAS ONE MORE CHANCE BUT HE WILL BE RELEASE FROM THIER PROGRAM. IS THIS CONCIDERED DISCRIMANATION AND CAN THEY DO THIS?
It is my understanding that after school programs aren't held to the same laws and standards that schools are. However, you need to investigate that further, because I'm not certain.
My child has an IEP he is in 7th grade but he is working at a 4th grade level. They have kept him in the 7th grade math class for “exposure” and they are sending home work that he is not able to do. He has an F for not turning in the work he is unable to do and now they won't allow him to attend the school dance because of his grade. His triennial is coming up and I want to be able to quote what laws they are breaking by discriminating against him. We have had numerous meetings where they blame my son for not turning in his work. I have started doing the work so they will stop punishing him. They said they can give him an F because he's not turning in the work. Please help
You need to find an educational advocate ASAP. I can't tell you what specific laws they are breaking, but punishing him for grades when they know they have him in math far behind his capability is truly appalling! I would tell the school you're planning to file a Discrimination Complaint with the Office of Civil Rights as well. Sometimes that scares administrators enough to listen to parents and do the right thing.
Hi I am a mother to a beautiful boy who has autism. He is brilliant and very talkative but he tries so so hard so it can be a little deceiving to those who are ignorant and his social development and ability to be constantly aware around him are extremely impaired, often he's trying to be funny or cute to interact but at school everything he does is considered wrong inappropriate you name it they say it, Since my son was in the second grade he has been written up for things like lining up cones and when the teacher told him to stop he got dis-regulated and upset because they consistently imply that he intends to be disruptive, I get non compliance written in his communication log daily and disruptive they say he is told to do this thing or that thing and would not comply I mean every day all day I literally want to pull my hair out every day I can't even begin to express how damaging it is emotionally for him to be picked at like this and how much it is actually preventing him from learning,he has been suspended a few times always for instances where the aids weren't implementing his IEP, a couple years ago his behavior turned to pushing chairs around and running to get away when they cornered him. One time the principal even stepped on his bare feet with his boots on hard on purpose because he touched the guy with his feet after he was already secluded in a lock down room. In the third grade this very same principal pinned him to the ground on top of him when he refused to comply. I have to say my son is the sweetest most genuine person in the world but even as a little boy he was a justice fighter he has very strong ideas about right and wrong and so often he is dead on about it but he can get very vocal if it isn't handled in the proper way generally all I have to do is listen give him space and allow him to re-regulate but they consistently instigate the behavior if his voice even gets slightly elevated if he's coughing and not remembering to cover his mouth, (Yes they wrote him up a disciplinary note in his file for coughing. They are on him all day about every little thing. He had an FBA because they felt that the manifestations of his autism are intended disruptions to other students, even after the guy told them that if he needs to stop a task they need to let him if he needs a break it isn't a privilege to have things to distract and focus on they still persist, it got so much worse last year the principal has gotten more and more physical with him they were locking him in a small”Quiet room up to 3-4 times a week” Last moth he was pinned down and dragged to a room by two grown men, (Because he hit the aid with his sock he's 10 and it started because he was making noise knocking sensory balls together on his required break) he doesn't hurt people he's disruptive but he's a fairly reasonable guy it's easy to keep him from escalating if you just give a little compassion and understanding, but it makes them angry because he won't comply and they persist in believing that his every action isn't autism it is intentionally disruptive now they are trying to say that he tried to hit a kid and they are outright making it up the kid even said that what they were saying happened didn't happen so they lie to excuse the use of force because it's easier to just send him home, this is going to sound worse I know he recently yelled at them that they treat him like he's going to run around the school and hurt or kill people, they wrote it up that he had actually said that that was what he said he was going to do ( So they can now say he's threatening other peoples safety and I swear he's the kind of boy who tells on himself they have a consistent pattern of distorting events to paint thier actions as just when there is a problem i'm at the school in five min every time when they call, and he goes home with me at least three times a week. They refuse to make food accommodations because they don't believe autism has an effect on his diet they call it a choice and say there are kids with real disability's who actually don't have a choice we spend nearly 300 extra dollars a month on food and have since he was a toddler as i'm sure you know it's common so they demanded that I send breakfast and lunch but keep in mind when you have a kid who only eats a certain amount of options that's sometimes incredibly difficult to do especially if the school puts there own limits on what your allowed to bring, he finally got bagels for breakfast, but they refuse to allow him to toast it, now he only is able to have a few snacks because it isn't fair to other students the school is refusing to allow me to leave the district and I called an IEP for the second time the ed director is going to be there spec ed dir and five other people on their side, He hasn't been allowed to join band because they required he sit on the floor and then they told us that he would have to sign a specialty behavior contract if he wanted to be in band all things that would be impossible for him without proper support. They refuse more services to help they say they have every right to put their hands on him they threatened to sue me if I even talked about discrimination, they are crushing him and crushing me there isn't a single thing about him that wants to hurt harm or distract or disrupt anybody and he is absolutely destroyed when these things happen he feels so so bad he just says to me over and over mom I use my words but they won't listen, it's killing me and I don't know what to do.
Wow! I am so shocked by this but not surprised. This is abuse, plain and simple. Your son is being bullied and abused by his SCHOOL. First, call a meeting with the Director of Special Education/Exceptional Children for your Board. Demand that an autism specialist attend this meeting as well. Tell them in no uncertain terms that they are punishing a child for having Autism and this is discrimination at the very list, and absolutely abusive. I would do everything you can to find an educational advocate or educational attorney to help you with this and attend this meeting with you.
If you aren't heard and taken seriously in that meeting (no more punishing autism), then contact your state department of education's special ed department. File a state claim against them (I'd do that at this point regardless).
Do whatever you can to change his school environment or get him out of there. What they are doing now is damaging.
I forgot to mention the huge bruises he's come home with just this last month under his armpits from being dragged and hand prints on his arms.
You need to report that to the authorities.
@Sweet3- I have been thinking about this since I first read your note. I remember having to document every “therapeutic hold” that a teacher would have to do on an autistic student. This means, that I would sit at my desk, and write down everything the child would say, how the teacher would hold the child and how long the hold would last. Sometime this would go on for a half hour or more. It is imperative that you request the records of the therapeutic holds that have been conducted. Please tell us what state you are in, so I can do some research in finding you a local advocate or resource center. This type of therapeutic holds, and behavior from the teachers, are not acceptable. I recommend you take photos of your child’s bruises that he has received at the hands of an educator. Do you have a dialogue journal established with his teacher? This is where you can write to them and let the teacher know what is going on at home, and she can respond about what is happening in the classroom. It is an excellent source of documentation to protect your son. Please know that I have been praying for you, and him. Again- please tell me what state you are in. They cannot sue you. YOU can call DUE PROCESS, and I highly recommend doing this. But let’s take the first step. Request the written account of every hold. And let’s look through your parent handbook to see what it says about holds in your county. Some counties even have corporal punishment. Let’s check with what your county says.
Jill-
Don’t lose heart. Let’s fight for your son. He, and you, are worth it.
Hi my son is 13 and has been diagnosed with adhd his school tends to use the isolation punishment for the smallest issues like name calling and a bit of pushing. My son is petrified of the isolation room due to his condition and every time it’s mentioned he flys of the handle which makes things even worse to which his school responds by putting him in inclusion for longer are they allowed to do this as they know his condition and they also know this happens when they tell him he’s got inclusion. Today he was accused of throwing raisins and kicking at a little girl who he said had told him to F off they only got her side of the story and didn’t ask any one that was with him what happened and put my son in inclusion for 3 days break and lunch which he reacted to and turned over a table so I then had to go and get him because he was in such a state. Why can’t the school use a different punishment when they know his condition and how he reacts that inclusion will just make him worse.
Using an isolation room is NOT acceptable. Most schools have recognized that it makes things worse instead of better and stopped using them. Call a meeting and take an educational advocate with you to the meeting. Let them know they are escalating behavior by reacting to it in this way. Request a Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA) in writing ASAP. If these two things don't result in a different plan to address behavior, I'd go to your director of special education, and I'd also pull my child out of school. What they are doing now is doing harm to him and not improving behavior.
I need help. My son's school called today asking me to come in at lunch time, principal said she had something she wanted to discuss with me face to face. I kindly told her I was at work and could not come unless it was an emergency. She decided to share with me that a student in my son's class (special ed) told staff when she was visiting him this weekend, he asked her to have sex. She said no and the conversation ended. Nothing happened. Principal continued to tell me my son was not forthcoming with his side of the story since they opened an investigation. I asked why the school was involving themselves in a matter that (didn't even really occur) off school property. She blatantly said because she said something at the school and it is now affecting the school day for them. My son has behavior issues and anger problems, physical outburst with oppositional defiance along with ADHD so them approaching him caused him to lash-out verbally and shut down. I received a call at 3:00 that he was cooperating enough to be able to get on the bus… and that he was not in trouble. But because he did not provide his side of the story for their investigation he was being suspended for two days. You read that correctly. I was shocked too. And I was confused. Um, if I'm confused then how is my son? She just said he's not in trouble (makes sense since nothing happened) and the girl is ok, not afraid or him, has no problem being around each other but he's suspended for two days? Because he didn't share his side and because they are in the same special ed class he's not allowed back to school? I feel he is being discriminated against AND because of the suspension now he will miss basketball tryouts. Sports is one of his biggest motivators and outlets and NEEDS to be involved. I was thinking of getting a children's advocate for him. But I'm not sure what to do or where to really start. Am I wrong to think this is absurd?
How old is your son?
My son is 10 years old and was diagnosed his 2nd year in kindergarten. The school's he started with would call and complain say he was thwarting up on purpose when it was his nerves. He stays stuck truency officer got involved 1st years I had to change schools once then go to home something because of this. He was still failed due to these teachers not realizing or having the education to see he needed to be tested. Moved to a city school the next year his teacher immediately put 2 and 2 together. We had someone come out watch him for weeks then testing. We setup IEP due to him being diagnosed autistic. He has triggers like noise and large crowds. Only wears certain pants and socks I have to continuously wash. If clothes not okay whole day is ruined. Hexwashes his hands to kuch I have to minimize allowed times to wash because his hands will bleed if not. His school at time took all this in and was so understanding and wonderful but they only were a k-2 school system. Also they spoke with his little sister who is in same grade due to him failing because no one took time to realize he was autistic and help me. Anyways I'm IEP they put that they could go to his sister to help calm him or to bring important papers home. She loves her brother so much and understands his disability. She is in gifted classes and loves helping him. She is not okay either wth the way their new school has been treating him either. He needs routine his old school would tell him when teachers were sick or let him see classroom after rearranged before the others. So he would be triggered he use to hit himself or just not talk at all. His old school was kind and did the sensory tools as you should. This new school the teachers have attitudes with me just worrying about him at all. I told and sent notes no pep rally due to loud noise and that triggering a meltdown. Well he was forced to the next one he got in cat visibly upset and crying because of his ears hurting and so many people. He also lives routine as written in IEP they do not help him with class changes which they do every subject and have lockers. The librarian color coded his locker thankgoodness because he would breakdown worrying about it while his teachers did nothing even with me writing them on our school Dojo app. Well his homeroom teacher doesn't always give snack which he watches clock and doesn't understand when that doesn't happen and he's starving which is all he focuses on after that. Then they are trying to force him to be in a school vocabulary parade with many different grades involved in front of many people. He is scared to death but the teacher informed me he has to or she will walk him around school in front of everyone to prepare him even though that's another trigger. He is so upset she even told him she would give him a F which he didn't understand why he was being punished for being scared of the noise and all the people plus getting in front of everyone. He also doesn't want me to see a F which I would understand if did would not be mad at him for this at all. But all he can think is im not doing good in school if I get a F for this and he doesn't understand why all this is happening at all. Im so upset I do not want to switch schools up for both my children and am I wrong for being this upset?? I've called principal she said call her back in 2 week's if still problems well I did and nothing yet. The homeroom teacher will not communicate and when does she gets smart with me in the bad moving way. The blame him if he doesn't return important papers but yet my father is in same grade but refuses to let her take any important paperwork home for him. His special needs teacher was good first year but this 2nd year has been horrible. She is only special teacher they have for grades k-12 how can she even know my son??? They sent him to be isolated in principal office for having a meltdown when was being forced to write something he didn't understand then teacher refused to help when he wouldn't write at all. This was upsetting as well he got in car crying that day as well as well as the days he didn't get snack or was forced to go to pep rally with lots noise. I need help im at loss and this is just breaking my heart. He didn't ask to be this way how is this okay??
Throwing* up on purpose….sorry I was so upset when writing.
Hi Hannah Gotay- I am so sorry to read all of this. This is very upsetting. First, what state do you live in? I am happy to work with you to see if we can get a few things worked out. Your sweet son should be able to skip things like the pep rally and the teachers should be working with you to help him be best prepared for school (letting you know when they will be absent). Let’s try to work on this… it sounds like they, the school staff, need some education.
Thank you so much that would be great if you could help me. Your completely right they need more education or they just have no hearts. I live in Alabama hope you can still help me. Thank you so much for responding.
My email is [email protected] please email me personally with photos of the IEP. Sometimes a well formed letter from an advocate on your behalf does help.
My 10 yr old has adhd/ocd/odd and autism symptoms. This year he has 2 teachers (1 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon). Keep in mind I will 99.9% of the time back the teacher like when my son was put in in school suspension for a day for bringing his tablet to school. However last week they went on a fun field trip (think kids gone wild at a park) when they got back to school he was still wound up during gym class and wouldnt sit still. The teacher scheduled him for in school suspension the next day (no note or phone call sent home for either incident even tho I have a behavior sheet sent home to sign every night..my son told me about them) I went to the vice principal the next morning and he agreed he shouldnt be in suspension. We discussed his iep and said if a plan is in place for him to go to a counselor during a meltdown he should be sent to her to get back in a school mindset after a fun field trip. This happened last thursday. Well today my son came home and told me he had silent lunch today because after the quizzes they did this same teacher told them you can read or snooze or whatever and my son asked if the could really sleep and I guess she considered him being disrespectful and gave him silent lunch. I called the vice principal again and he said I'm only hearing my sons side and he would talk to said teacher in the morning and get her side. I told him I feel like she is picking on my kid and if she doesn't like him shes gonna like me a whole lot less. I once again explained he has an iep and it's not a get out of jail free card but there has to be some leeway (he has no filter) he was not being disrespectful even if she took it that way and if she cant handle him we will need to make other arrangements for his afternoon classes. If this continues my next step is to go to the school board. We are in Alabama. I personally dont think silent lunches are fair. Every kid knows that child is in trouble. To me it's like making them wear a sign and putting them in the middle of the hall. Am I out of line or is this teacher dropping the ball?
Clammy Dent your going through the exact same thing as I am with my 10 year old son to be 11. It's heartbreaking like they look at him like he is normal and forget what's going on possibly inside his head and how he may be feeling or triggered. Totally dust me that people can be that heartless to be mean to any child at that. I have reached out to principal twice still no meeting! I have got to go over now heads or something.
My son has high functioning ASD and was told he couldn’t participate in the school spelling bee because he is not a “challenge word” person. He was basically denied the option of even attempting to participate. I spoke to 2 other parents who’s children are on IEPs and found out their children were excluded too. The spelling bee is sponsored by the PTA and I spoke to the president and she told me there were no special limitations or criteria to participate and that it was open to all students to participate. One of the other parents told me that her son told her the teacher stated that “the spelling bee is only for good readers”. I also found out that the teacher has all the kids who have challenges and are on IEPs sit together on one side of the classroom for her “convenience”. Where can I find legal guidance on this? Is this classified as discrimination under the IDEA? If so, where can I find the regulations so that I can present them to the school?
Sure sounds like discrimination to me. Not sure where to reference legally, but that’s governed by the Americans with Disabilities Act and the Office of Civil Rights. In addition, I’d report this teacher’s behavior to the principle and the director of special ed for your board of ed. Our schools need to STOP PUNISHING kids for having a disability. This is exactly the same as saying a child in a wheelchair can’t participate in the spelling bee because they’re in a wheelchair.
I am also in NC. My son is 12 years old he was diagnosed adhd and odd combined type when he was 5. He is medicated. He has gone to the same school since he started school. He has not been able to go on a field trip since 3rd grade he is currently in the 6th grade. He will do typical boy things and with other students but he will continue to be the only one punished. I have been to the principal several times about the issues that i have with the school. My son currently has a 504 plan but honestly nothing is followed and he continues to be left out of activities and treated like he is just a horrible kid. Please any advice would help I dont know anything else to do or what to do for him.
If the principal isn't doing anything, I'd ask for a meeting with your school board's Director of Special Ed/Exceptional Children. In that meeting, I'd let them know you are ready and willing to file a federal discrimination complaint if they don't stop punishing your child for having a disability and start support his needs so he an participate in every activity his non-disabled classmates participate in. This is a very clear case of discrimination. So sorry you and your kiddo are being treated this way! Time for mama bear to escalate the fierceness of the fight.
My grandson is in 1st grade. Last year for the Christians party. He was not allowed to go to the Xmas party an had to stay in the principles office while the whole school got to go. Because the teacher said she couldn't handle him. He is autistic. What can I do. Ty
This is OUTRAGEOUS AND ABUSIVE! I would request a meeting with the director of special education for your school board to discuss this ASAP. Let them know if he's excluded from his peers because of behavior related to his disorder, and punished for having Autism, you'll be happy to file a Federal civil rights complaint.
I read the first post and wanted to say so much, justify my profession! I know like me there are lots of us out there trying to help your beautiful, individual children be themselves whilst having to conform with what society deems is ‘normal’I know in my classroom, and I have had children so severe they have funding for 2-1 support! Yes 2 full time adults. Before he was in my class he was often sent home by 9.15 most days to return after lunch to be again sent home. And although I was often spat at, pinched, kicked etc – I am proud to say whilst under my care he was never sent home on my watch! I understood it was his condition, not the child and, he struggled to control it , although with our support he did begin to try, oh he did try! It was always achallenge.I tell you this – not to say how well I did (coz it was all down to him& family) but to try and portray how passionate I am! However, in a mainstream school we have stats to tick, targets to reach and management on our back – who won’t always look at our child as an individual and though they refuse to complete a statutory test they have made 2 new friends and are now beginning to play and socialise!! Which makes it sooo hard to support your individual children On how we know is best for them.
Hearing some of your stories is heartbreaking, if there is any way I can help and advise you as to approach your educational establishment please get in contact ????????
Thank you for offering this platform to share experiences/ask questions!
I’m having issues with my 8 year old that just started 3rd grade. He has high functioning asd, adhd, and anxiety. He is in an integrated class and has an iep. Due to the pandemic, and the need for distance learning (DL) last spring and a hybrid plan this fall, I’m able to see where there are trade offs that, to me, impact his trajectory. He’s at or above grade level in math but struggles with reading/comprehension and being organized when writing. He has many services and I think the pullouts or even push-ins are taking away from instruction time and impacting his trajectory negatively. I see it when he’s doing DL how his schedule is jumbled sometimes and there are many transitions not only in content but in the different teachers he’s interacting with. The regular ed kids have it so much easier! I’ve asked for pushin services on the 2 days he’s in school and for the services that meet virtually to be outside instruction times. I just found out that my son got moved to the back of the room to do OT zones of regulation during a reading lesson (not sure if it was bc he was not attending or if she just used that time to service him). We fought fir an FBA but they wanted to see him back in school to see if hex really needs one. I want to get rid of some of these services and if deemed necessary get them outside school. In a brief iep meeting we had the sp ed director said they found him eligible for those services and they have to provide it. What do I have to do, deny all services?
I believe you can reject services, but I'm not certain. An educational advocate could advise you on specifics and mediate with the school. If he is behind in some areas, services are needed, but they shouldn't impact his learning in other areas.
I have autism and ADHD and had an IEP since I was 5, and I remember being given silent lunches several times every week throughout elementary school for unintentionally missed homework because I was just mentally unable to be organized, then this one teacher who was this exact definition of discriminatory would give me silent lunch EVERY day because I simply had messy handwriting that she never bothered to actually try reading, and then she'd give me silent lunch for crumpled papers, having an unorganized desk, etc. Thanks so much for this article I'm in NC too and I honestly didn't realize this was a common issue in schools here.
Cosmo, thank you for sharing your story. God will bless you many many successful and positive part of life. My blessings.
My 12 yr old has had Autism and ADHD since daycare. Now, a 7th grader, he has this one teacher that seems to have a problem with him everyday. He does have a plan in effect. Well, he has only missed a few days from school for not feeling well. Wednesday they have off due to the pandemic. On Thursday he got dressed for school inspite of the tummy ache that carried on from the middle of the night making him feel nauseated. It was decided that he should stay home. He gets a email about 2pm from this particular teacher saying he skipped school and when he comes back Friday he will be in In School Suspension for that day and Monday and that he better get his lesson done for Thursday. Also, if he skipped again she would take it to the counselor and principal. I don't understand this lady and nobody wants to be in her classroom.
I would schedule a meeting with the principle. Individual teachers don't usually determine if an absence is due to skipping and a punishment. She is also treating him unfairly in general it sounds like. Definitely time for a meeting.
Hi All, My son is high functional ASD and ADHD. We are doing med so he can cope up with class. I feel he is being discriminated for his condition. His pictures are never posted even though everyone's pictures are posted. I asked teacher if she can post my son's picture, she said yes but never did. This morning again she posted few pictures of other kids. I fee heart broken. My son says mommy open the comp , I want to see my friends pictures. So basically he doesn't understand the whole thing but I do. We are doing our best and I feel I am being punished by the teacher because I have given birth to a boy with such condition.
This is a form of discrimination. Keep letting the teacher know that she needs to represent all kids in her class, not just those that meet her definition of the best work. Point out to her that she's discriminating against a child with a disability — she may not even realize it but pointing that out in no uncertain terms often helps.
My grandson is autistic and in the first grade. At the most recent parent/teacher conference the teacher told my daughter that when he starts to stim which is humming or repeating words the teacher puts his desk outside and he has to sit there instead of being in class. He has an IEP but i'm not aware of what accommodations are given to him daily. I do know that he has a shadow but only for 60 minutes a day. Most of his work comes home unfinished and the teacher expects him to finish it at home as well as his daily homework. I feel that this is abuse and the teacher just shoves him outside by himself because she doesn't want to deal with the behavior. He is only seven years old. I advised my daughter to get an advocate and request a meeting with the principal and the teacher to find out why this is happening. I'm sure he feels bad when he is sent out side. Am I on the right track.
You are ABSOLUTELY on the right track. They cannot put a child in the hall for behavior related to a disability. If this doesn't change immediately after meeting, I would let them know you're going to file a federal discrimination complaint. This must be stopped no matter what it takes. 🙁
My son now (15) is under section 504 plan because he was diagnosed with ADHD. In a study made to him back in 2018 by Brain Balance, he is hyperactive, have lack of focus and emotional control and a few other things. Right now he is an online student and during his first semester one of his teacher gave him a warning because he was chatting off topic during live session. According to the teacher he did it a couple of times and because of it they called me and said that if he continued this behavior he will be unable to have access to the live lesson of Algebra in the future. Last January, teacher called me again because apparently he called names on other kid and they did applied the consequence, from that moment he was unable to access to Algebra class live lesson via Zoom. And we are clear on that. That's what he earned. He still can watch the recording of the class. Then, by the end of January and beginning of February he entered the live lessons using his school email account, but using fake names. That was bring to my attention by the assistant principal on February 9 via phone call and he explained that if he continue to enter to Algebra live lesson using fake names or normally, the next step would be the same consequence but for all of his classes during live lessons. We spoke with our son and he understood the consequence if he continued.
On February 28, my son needed help with one Algebra assignment, so he decided to enter tutoring section (which he was still allowed to enter). He asked the help he needed and the teacher sent him to a breakout room right away. There were around 8 other students in the main room. When my son saw there was no one in that room (breakout room) and the teacher wasn't helping him he left the tutoring session. My son usually after class time, have a zoom room with other classmates where they helped each other and talk. So, he asked one of them in that Zoom room (there were a total of 5 students) and ask him if he can enter tutoring session and ask the question for him to see if he can get some help by the teacher that was there. The thing is, that same student typed the N word in the chat and claim that his brother typed the word (when he doesn't have any siblings). Later that afternoon my son's teacher called and accuse my son of typing the word in the chat, called my son a liar and that my son gain control of the other student keyboard through two gaming apps, which is impossible and which I told her that my son is not a hacker and we have parental app, so it makes that impossible. My son explained to his teacher that he asked his friend to enter the tutoring, but it was his friend who typed the word. She kept accusing my son of a liar and said then that this boy accused him of doing it. My son started crying and yelling because he was being accused of something he didn't do. We later verified my son's computer and luckily he didn't close the Zoom room where he was with his friends and this boy wrote that school called his parents because of his language in tutoring and how the teachers loved him and believe him and that he only have to be without PlayStation and tv for a day. So, we took screenshots of that and sent it to my son's teacher and the assistant principal. They replied saying thank you for the screenshots but my son still unable to attend live lesson for all of his classes. That a special committee were going to contact us with the final decision. Same day we received an email for that meeting for a possible expulsion of my son from the school. We had the meeting next day over the phone. Assistant principal mentioned all in details, since issue started. Also during the same meeting he stated that the other student contacted his teacher with his parents and admitted it was him who typed the word and it was never my son. They asked him during that meeting why he entered the algebra class with fake names and he told them that he just wanted to learn (we don't know why they asked my son that, because the meeting wasn't to discuss what happened previously, it was because of the new accusation). At the end of the call, they told us that they were going to decide if he was going to be expulse or unable to attend the other classes during live lessons. I asked why because the meeting was because he was accused of something that he didn't do and he was already discipline for the last issue in Algebra class and the assistant principal told me very clear, only if he continue to enter Algebra live lessons he won't be able to attend live lessons for all other classes. They just told us they will call the next day with the decision, which was yesterday. They didn't expulse him from school but he is now unable to attend any live lessons, including any tutoring lesson. If he has a question he has to email the teacher or text them which sometimes takes them a long time to answer.
I had a meeting yesterday morning with my son 504 coordinator and she wasn't aware of the new situation. She said that she was supposed to be notified to attend that meeting, because she is the one who had to determined if the “first issue” was a behavioral problem of his.
What can I do in this case? My son needs constant instructions and guidance for completing his work. Right now he is behind and this has affected him more.
Thank and sorry for this long message.
Hi,
I need help I am stressing because my 12 year old autistic grandson with ADHD will be going to intermediate school this year and not sure if he is capable to walk himself to different classroom or focus in the regular classroom. He is going to be in regular PE and other two other subjects. I am so scared also that other kids might take advantage of his disability and make fun of him because he is not normal.
You can ask the school for accommodations to help with this. Someone can accompany him between classes. I would ask the regular ed classroom teachers to keep an eye on him and make sure he isn't teased or bullied. You could go so far as to ask for an aid that is with him during these classes or all day as well.
When I tried to enroll my daughter in school last year the principal and myself emailed back and forth for weeks about talking about things she does , my daughters autistic and since she was really little will bite herself and she can't talk very well and mostly just uses sounds along with other things that she would do and the principle would not let her enroll at the school then about a month into that school year she starts emailing me trying to get me to enroll my daughter and everything she told me before about why my daughter couldn't go to school didn't matter anymore they put my daughter in a special education class room where she was the only student in the class about a month goes by then they tell me there going to put my daughter in a regular classroom we had a meeting and we went over her learning plan and I let them know about my daughter after that my daughter would cry when it was time to go to school she gets in trouble every day for biting herself when I let the teachers and principle know that's just something she has done since she was little the they had a field trip where my daughter was not allowed to go to and had to stay at the school I wasn't told about this either my son who attends the same school informed me of that.
The school has to be careful about self-harm behaviors that happen at school – it's a liability for them. I would give her some things that are ok to bite, like a Chewelry necklace, that she can wear at school. It sounds like you need to call a meeting and talk through the challenges and make a plan for each. They need an updated IEP that addresses all her needs.
My son is 7 yrs old and is a severely non verbal autistic. He was in class and he had a tantrum I wasn’t made aware what caused the tantrum since he doesn’t not communicate his feelings and needs. So the teacher decided to write a referral to document the incident as she says just in case while he is having a tantrum and harms another student she will be responsible. When he had tantrums he lashes out with anger and it takes sometime to snap him out of it. I just don’t think that it’s fair that he is being written up for having a tantrum which is apart of his autism. Is there something I can do about this. I understand if he understood what he did was wrong but he has a big compression problem and just repeats words but doesn’t understand the meaning. I don’t think it’s fair and now he has this on his record.
I can see why the teacher would need to document the situation because she's responsible for the safety of all the kids in her class. If it's simply an incident report, it's documentation, not a “punishment” or consequence of sorts and I think that's fair. It also documents it for you. If he's being punished and this is a referral or suspension or something like that, then that's a problem. I would encourage you and the teacher to shift to calling it an autistic meltdown rather than a tantrum. A true tantrum is driven by intention and is in the child's control. Calling is an autistic meltdown also ties the disability to the behavior.
My daughter has autism and is in the 5th grade. She has only been in school for 3 weeks now. Her IEP states she is to have a para for 8400 minutes a month, but the school is saying they're short staffed and claim she needs to be more “independent” and do more things on her own. While we always want to foster her independence, we at times feel instead of the school making accommodations for her, she is to make accommodations for them because they are too busy to deal with her, and when we try to bring up that her IEP has a requirement in place for her para, we are told again that she needs to become “100% independent.” We also recently found out that she has been receiving “Zero's,” in her classes, not for anything academic, but on behavior. Her special ed teacher said if she interrupts her teacher she gets a zero, if she blurts out she gets a zero, and this has negatively impacted her mental health at school where she comes home and says she is a loser and will never be “average.” Every year we have to fight with a new set of staff and we keep getting on the losing side. There are no IEP advocates in Iowa that we can find. We've been told by state that there “are just not enough advocates to help every family.” How can we balance fostering her independence without letting school staff take advantage of that so they can do less?
This gets me so fired up! The IDEA federal law does NOT have a caveat anywhere in it that schools don't have to provide the Free and Appropriate Public Education if they are short staffed or don't have the money. Their excuse is essentially illegal.
PLUS, how is she going to become more independent without the support and skill building necessary to get there. Yes, the goal is for her to be independent when she can be, but throwing her in the deep end of the pool knowing she can't swim but hoping she miraculously will because they need her to be is a ludicrous strategy. You are dealing with educators who don't get it. They want your neurodivergent daughter to be neurotypical because they've decided it's time. AS IF!
And the behavior issue. This also BURNS ME UP! First, is giving her zeros every time she speaks without being called on changing that behavior? NO! What is the goal of behavior plans, punishments, and consequences? To improve said behavior. Why do we continue to insist on doing things that don't work?!?!? And there's zero compassion and understanding here which is also NOT ACCEPTABLE.
I realize you may have tried these resources for advocacy assistance, but I'm going to post a few just in case you didn't find them:
https://educateiowa.gov/pk-12/special-education/parent-information/family-and-educator-partnership-fep
https://www.centralriversaea.org/seeking-help-child/iepifsp-support/
https://www.askresource.org/about
I hope you are learning from the School Struggles Summit that starts tomorrow too: https://thebehaviorrevolution.com/parenting-summits/school-struggles-summit-2022/
And I'd be happy to help you formulate a response and plan of action to deal with the school during a coaching call.
My son was trying out for the High School baseball team. He is on the Autism spectrum, ADHD, and ODD. Last Friday he went to practice. I get a phone call from the principal the high school during my lunch break stating that he was not allowed to go back to practices because he does not have the skill to play. He probably will not make the team. If he would make the team he would not be allowed to travel
with the team because he is a safety issue. He would need a paraprofessional with him at practice and that she did not have enough staff to accommodate him. Basically what I thought would be a principal who worked with SPED students for over 6 years when she was in a classroom would advocate for my son to a n over egotistical coach who has not idea how to handle a child on the spectrum. He was basically holding baseball practices during basketball season by himself with no one there to help him. At the beginning of the year, I asked the school to put him in athletic PE with his older brother who by the way is ADHD and a SPED students and is in Athletic PE. I was told that there were no more slots for him to be in there. But behold there are only 10 students that hour with two coaches. I am so frustrated with this high school. I feel that this is discrimination against my autistic child. I really don’t know what to do. I want what is right for my child who only wants to be part of the high school baseball team. I might add this is the 1st year this school has baseball. I am in Louisiana.
I agree that kids should get to participate in what they want to. At the high school level, however, I also know that it's super competitive. The school technically should find a way to accommodate him, but it's rare that it happens with competitive sports. I would ask for specifics as to why they are having a hard time with him at practice and games. It could be some skills that you can work on and try again the following year. Or is there another way to be part of the team that he could do more successfully (like “bat boy”)? You need specifics before you can address anything. I would love it if all could come together to find a way to help him achieve his goal of being on the baseball team. If all else fails you can file a discrimination complaint with the federal department of education.
Hi Jill my name is Lisa I am in Australia my son is 5 and he has level 3 Autism and is non verbal I’ve had issues with his preschool in the past but today my partner went to pick up my son he turned up early and found that my son had been hosed down naked in front of the other kids outside I did sign a note giving permission for them to shower him if needed but it was quite cold today they done it in the shade and it just doesn’t sit right with me he now is sick and has an ear infection due to the water going in his ears .. I feel like this hosing him down thing is not right and I’ve never heard of any preschool doing this.
That sounds just awful Jill! Traumatizing! I would let them know in writing that they are never to do that again.
That is tragic, on so many levels. Please reach out to the administrator at your preschool for a one on one conversation. I would demand an explanation on how they came to the decision to hose your child down in front of others, on a cold day. How is his sweet spirit?
I'm an autistic teen and today I was kicked out of class because my teacher thought I was distracted and being disrespectful. I also had noise-canceling headphones, he told me to either get out of class or take them off. I have an IEP, I don't know if he has read my accommodations, or if having headphones is even on it. (I do know that sensory processing disorder is on it and that I am able to have breaks when I am overwhelmed.) He does know that I am autistic, and we have had multiple conversations with my headphones on. I refused to take off my headphones and walked out of class. I was really upset today and it really just made it worse, everyone in the class thought that he was being irrational, and now almost everyone else outside of class knows about what happened (to clarify, I am not bullied like most other kids my age with the tism). Today kinda sucked and I just feel that it wasn't fair to me, even if he didn't know about my specific requested accommodations in my IEP. Would anyone know if this counts as discrimination?
I don't know if that would fit the definition of discrimination, but it's definitely a teacher that wasn't open to listening to you, which sucks. Every teacher should have your IEP. Check and make sure using headphones in class is an accommodation in the IEP document. Then I'd ask your school case manager to make a 1-page overview of your accommodations and give them to each of your teachers. That way, they are informed by a peer and not a student and will likely take it more seriously. I am really sorry this happened to you.
Hello, My name is Crystal and I have a 14 yo boy diagnosed with ADHD and a learning disability. We recently moved to a small town about 3.5 years ago. Since moving he has received detention and suspensions for being off task and or not paying attention during class. Which he never received in his previous school. The latest thing is he’s being removed from the after school program for not paying attention. I feel like he is being discriminated against for being inattentive and or being a minority. Not to mention the amount of minority students in the school can be counted in one hand.
That sounds like certain discrimination to me! Punishing a kid with ADHD for not paying attention and focusing is like punishing a kid in a wheelchair for not walking – and someone needs to tell them that. You could certainly file a discrimination complaint with the US Dept of Ed. See if you can find an educational advocate in your area who can help you hold the school accountable and change how they treat your kid.
Can a 6 year old first grader with ADHD, anxiety, sensory processing and asd with IEP in Virginia be sent home because they have meltdowns???? HELP
I'm not an attorney, but I see this as a bit of a grey area. If he is a danger to himself or others, then yes, they can definitely send him home IMO. However, the law says that they must individualize instruction for a student with disabilities. That means creating an environment where a student can learn and not be triggered to meltdown frequently. What needs to happen here is finding out WHY he's melting down at school and addressing those issues. Something is causing so much stress that his nervous system can't handle it. When I say environment, that includes how teachers and staff interact with him, what they say to him, if the work is too hard or too overwhelming, etc… Everything that is input for him while at school.
I have been talking with them the whole year about the same things you mentioned he’s not doing this behavior at home, since February they now have someone with him all the time or watching him and I’m almost positive that’s bothering him every morning when he goes to he’s class with in hour and half he’s upset about something they continue to say they have no explanation why he’s getting upset l which I find hard to believe but yet iv given them too many ideas of what can or will upset him, he just recently started trying to butt he’s head when he gets mad after being removed from class but they are also hoovering over him trying to talk him into being calm which I believe is escalating him further today he comes home with lots of bruises one is almost perfect round circle on to if he’s hand when I ask him where it came from he first turned he’s head looking upset/scared second time later he got agitated they claim they are putting blankets ext done when they think he’s attempting to butt he’s head iv been i the class they move him to and can’t think of anything that would cause this bruise he also said he hurt he’s thumb on the carpet in this room but won’t tell me how or really show me he’s whole thumb this is the first day he hasn’t been ok with telling me what happened why he got upset/mad