332: When the Honeymoon Period Ends — What to Do When School Starts Falling Apart
with Penny Williams
Listen on Apple Podcasts | Spreaker | Spotify | iHeart Radio
The first few weeks of a new school year can feel like a fresh start — hopeful, organized, maybe even easy. And then, just as the weather begins to cool, everything begins to unravel. Mornings turn chaotic again. Homework becomes a battle. The spark in your child’s eyes starts to fade.
That October crash isn’t a failure, it’s actually biology. In this episode, I unpack why so many neurodivergent kids hit a wall a few weeks into the school year. The novelty that once lit up their brains fades, expectations rise, and their nervous systems grow tired from holding it all together. What looks like defiance or laziness is often a body saying, “I can’t keep doing it this way.”
We’ll explore how to respond when school starts to feel like too much, without slipping into control or consequences. You’ll learn how to shift from asking “How do I make them do it?” to “What’s getting in the way?” and how safety, not structure, helps kids rebuild their capacity to cope.
If your child’s school year feels like it’s coming undone, this conversation will help you reframe what’s happening and find your footing again. You’ll walk away with practical tools and a gentler mindset to navigate this season with compassion, connection, and calm.
Listen now to learn how to meet your child where they are and bring hope back into the school year.
Every fall, parents of neurodivergent kids brace for the unraveling. The first few weeks of school start off smooth — new supplies, new routines, a new teacher who might finally “get it.” You feel that flicker of hope that maybe this year will be different. But then, sometime around October, things start to crumble.
Mornings get harder. Meltdowns become more frequent. Homework turns into tears. You wonder what went wrong… again. But the truth is, nothing went wrong. What’s happening is a predictable nervous system pattern we’ll call the “October school crash.”
When school begins, everything is novel. For ADHD and autistic kids, novelty feels good. It wakes up the dopamine system and gives the brain a temporary boost in motivation. But novelty always fades. As routines become predictable and demands grow, the nervous system’s capacity gets depleted. The effort it takes to stay regulated in a stimulating, demanding environment eventually outweighs the child’s reserves.
By October, many kids’ systems are running on empty. What we see as resistance is actually a biological cry for safety. The brain begins to code school as unsafe — not because it’s dangerous, but because it’s overwhelming. Once the brain shifts into survival mode, the thinking brain shuts down. Then, executive functions like planning, organization, and emotional control go offline.
When that happens, what kids need most isn’t tighter rules or more discipline. They need safety, recovery, and connection. Instead of asking “How do I make them do this?” try asking, “What’s getting in the way?” Maybe it’s fatigue, sensory overload, or the loss of predictable support.
Support their nervous system with decompression time after school, sensory breaks, and consistent rituals. Simplify expectations. Offer grace instead of grinding. Because this unraveling isn’t a sign of failure, but rather a signal of need.
Growth and regulation aren’t linear. They expand and contract, like breathing. When we treat the October crash not as a setback but as feedback, we can help our kids rebuild safety and capacity. That’s where learning and hope begin again.
3 Key Takeaways
The October crash is not a lack of effort. It’s a natural nervous system response to sustained stress and fading novelty. When the environment overwhelms capacity, behavior becomes a signal, not defiance or lack of motivation.
Executive function and self-regulation can’t thrive in survival mode. Our kids need safety and co-regulation before they can access the thinking brain that allows them to plan, focus, and manage emotions.
Pulling back is recalibrating, not giving up. When we lower demands and increase connection, we help our kids rebuild the internal balance that makes growth sustainable.
What You'll Learn
why the “honeymoon” period at the start of the school year fades for neurodivergent kids
how the nervous system drives the October school crash
how to recognize the difference between behavior and biological stress signals
ways to reduce pressure and rebuild safety at home
simple strategies for protecting capacity and promoting regulation
Resources
Some of the resources may be affiliate links, meaning I receive a commission (at no cost to you) if you use that link to make a purchase.
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Transcript
Penny Williams [00:00:01]: This October crash isn't a sign that your kid doesn't care. It may feel like it, but it's not. It's a sign that they've been working really hard to stay regulated in an environment that constantly tests their limits. Their body is saying, "I can't keep doing it this way."
Penny Williams [00:00:24]: Welcome to Beautifully Complex, where we unpack what it really means to parent neurodivergent kids with dignity and clarity. I'm Penny Williams, and I know firsthand how tough and transformative this journey can be. Let's discover together how to raise regulated, resilient, beautifully complex kids. And if you want more support, join our free community at hub.beautifullycomplex.life.
Penny Williams [00:00:56]: Hey friends, it’s Penny. If you’re noticing that your child’s school year is starting to come undone—the morning battles, homework tears, the spark dimming—you are not alone. This unraveling, what I called the “honeymoon period” ending, happened for us every single year in October, like clockwork.
Penny Williams [00:01:31]: We’d start the new year full of hope: new supplies, a fresh start, maybe a teacher who finally got it. And for a few weeks, things would go well—sometimes even great. Then suddenly, the wheels came off. Mornings got harder. School resistance grew. Homework turned into a battlefield. The confidence and optimism we had just weeks before faded into frustration, tears, and exhaustion.
Penny Williams [00:02:54]: I used to think we were doing something wrong. That we hadn’t prepared enough, or lost progress over the summer. But now I know this October unraveling isn’t failure—it’s biology. It’s how neurodivergent brains and bodies respond to sustained demands and environments that aren’t built for them.
Penny Williams [00:03:30]: When the school year begins, everything is new—teachers, classrooms, routines, expectations. For ADHD brains, that novelty is stimulating. It lights up the dopamine system, which often runs low. That fresh energy helps our kids stay engaged, at least for a while. But novelty fades. When things become routine and the daily grind sets in, motivation wanes. What was once exciting becomes hard. The spark dims, and old struggles return.
Penny Williams [00:05:30]: When that happens, both kids and parents feel defeated. I know I did. I called it “defeat week.” But what’s really happening is that the nervous system is running out of capacity. The body has been working in overdrive just to keep up, and it starts to say, “enough.” It’s not screaming for rest—it’s screaming for safety.
Penny Williams [00:07:06]: Our kids’ nervous systems have been scanning for danger for weeks, trying to hold it together. When there’s too much dysregulation for too long, the brain begins to code the school environment as unsafe. And when that happens, kids become biologically unavailable to learn. The survival brain takes over, shutting down access to executive function, planning, emotional control, and flexibility.
Penny Williams [00:08:46]: If your child is shutting down, melting down, or avoiding school, it’s not lack of effort—it’s a signal. Their nervous system is saying, “I don’t feel safe here anymore.” For some kids, safety looks like rest and quiet; for others, it looks like movement and energy. Both are valid ways the body seeks equilibrium.
Penny Williams [00:10:18]: As the school year goes on, expectations rise. Teachers begin to expect more independence and assume that routines are established. But many neurodivergent kids need consistent scaffolding—not because they’re incapable, but because executive function doesn’t develop through exposure alone. When support fades, they feel lost, and stress rises. All of this collides—fading novelty, rising expectations, dysregulation—and the October crash appears.
Penny Williams [00:12:26]: This is the moment to lean in with compassion, not control. Instead of asking, “How do I make them do this?” ask, “What’s getting in the way?” Maybe it’s fatigue, sensory overload, or emotional exhaustion. Start with curiosity instead of correction. Behavior is communication—it’s a signal, not defiance.
Penny Williams [00:14:18]: By October, many families see what I call executive function collapse. Organization, flexibility, task initiation, and emotional regulation start to crumble under stress. Remember, executive function only works when the nervous system is regulated. If the body is in fight, flight, or freeze, the thinking brain isn’t available.
Penny Williams [00:17:46]: Executive function is not a willpower issue. It’s a skill set that grows with support and modeling. Before you try to teach or correct, regulate first. When the nervous system feels safe, learning becomes possible again.
Penny Williams [00:18:20]: To help your child’s nervous system recover, start with sensory breaks—movement, deep pressure, or quiet time. After school, expect decompression. Build predictable rituals: the same snack, the same seat, maybe the same song on the drive home. Predictability signals safety. And when kids feel safe, they can reconnect and rebuild capacity.
Penny Williams [00:20:24]: Remember that every child’s sense of safety looks different. Some need quiet; others need sound, laughter, or movement. Follow your child’s cues. You can’t teach a dysregulated brain new skills—you must help it feel safe first.
Penny Williams [00:21:19]: If your child melts down after school or resists every morning, it’s not failure. It’s a signal of mismatch—the demands have exceeded their capacity. Ask yourself, “Where can I lighten the load?” Can we shorten assignments, drop an activity, or extend deadlines? Protecting capacity is not giving up—it’s prioritizing well-being.
Penny Williams [00:22:33]: Your child’s mental and emotional health matter more than grades. This is a season for grace, not grinding. Growth comes from recovery, not pressure.
Penny Williams [00:23:12]: Unraveling doesn’t mean lost progress. Growth and regulation are cyclical, not linear. Like building a muscle, strength comes from effort and rest. When things fall apart, it’s feedback, not failure. The system is saying, “I need support before I can grow again.”
Penny Williams [00:24:16]: Understanding this cycle helps you respond with steadiness instead of panic. You can say, “This is our recalibration season. We know what to do.” Focus on safety, connection, and capacity, and trust that regulation will return.
Penny Williams [00:25:30]: If things feel hard right now—if mornings are rough and progress feels lost—please remember: you are not stuck here. This is not the end of the story. It’s just the middle. Behavior isn’t the problem; it’s the signal. When you learn to follow that signal, safety and regulation will follow. And when regulation grows, learning and confidence bloom again.
Penny Williams [00:26:20]: Take a breath. Lower the bar. Meet your child where they are—not where you wish they were, not where they were last week—right here, right now. That’s where connection begins, and connection is the soil where lasting change grows.
Penny Williams [00:26:59]: Remember, just because the honeymoon is over doesn’t mean hope is lost. You’ve got this. Your child has this. Just read the signals and meet them where they are.
Penny Williams [00:27:04]: I see you. You’re doing hard, meaningful work, and you don’t have to do it alone. If you found this episode helpful, share it with someone who needs it and leave a review so others can find this support too. When you’re ready for next steps, the Regulated Kids Project is here with the tools, coaching, and community to help you raise a more regulated, resilient child. Learn more at regulatedkids.com.
I help stuck and struggling parents (educators, too) make the pivots necessary to unlock success and joy for neurodivergent kids and teens, themselves, and their families. I'm honored to be part of your journey!
Host of Beautifully Complex. I help stuck and struggling parents (educators, too) make the pivots necessary to unlock success and joy for neurodivergent kids and teens, themselves, and their families. I'm honored to be part of your journey!
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