[00:00:03] Chris Taylor, LCSW-C: For sure, there has to be trust. In parent therapy, you’re really trying to shape the environment and create that trust. There’s this quote I love: “A child’s behavior is irrelevant until the environment is able to effectively support progress.”

[00:00:22] Penny Williams: Welcome to the Beautifully Complex podcast, where I share insights and strategies on parenting neurodivergent kids straight from the trenches. I'm your host, Penny Williams — parenting coach, author, and mindset mama — honored to guide you on the journey of raising your atypical kid. Let’s get started.

[00:00:44] Penny Williams: Welcome back to Beautifully Complex, everyone. I am joined today by Chris Taylor, and we’re going to talk about Just Right Balance. We’ve talked many times on the podcast about Just Right Challenge, but this is different. We’re talking about Just Right Balance, and I’m really excited to have this conversation and to help parents support their struggling kids. Chris, will you start by letting everyone know who you are and what you do?

[00:01:13] Chris Taylor, LCSW-C: Sure. My name is Chris Taylor. I’m a therapist at Rathbone and Associates in Bethesda, Maryland. I’m happy to be here.

[00:01:23] Penny Williams: Fantastic. What do you want to tell us about Just Right Balance? How are you defining it, and why is it important?

[00:01:33] Chris Taylor, LCSW-C: A lot of parents struggle to find the balance between pushing their child and holding back. It’s a very difficult balancing act — especially for kids who need special support. The brain needs challenge to grow, but for some kids, moving toward uncertainty creates stress and anxiety. So it’s really hard to find that balance. In therapy, I help parents create an environment where a child can grow without being overwhelmed.

[00:02:47] Penny Williams: It’s so difficult to figure out how much to push without breaking our kids, especially when they’re neurodivergent. My own kid didn’t respond to being pushed — it only led to shutdown and resistance. So how do we find that sweet spot, where we’re helping them grow without causing trauma?

[00:03:24] Chris Taylor, LCSW-C: The first step is really understanding your individual child — what they can tolerate and what they can’t. It’s about becoming a strategic parent. With some kids, if you push too far, they completely fall apart. It’s about teaming with your child and building an environment where they feel heard and understood — that’s the key.

[00:04:25] Penny Williams: So there has to be trust to bridge that gap between what they’re comfortable with and what stretches them. Right?

[00:04:35] Chris Taylor, LCSW-C: For sure. Trust is foundational. That quote I mentioned earlier — “a child’s behavior is irrelevant until the environment is able to effectively support progress” — really captures that. And parenting often reflects back at us. We see our own dysregulation when we’re triggered by our kids. So parents often come to therapy wondering how to manage their own emotions — and that’s huge. Because if we’re walking on eggshells or being too demanding, either extreme breaks down trust.

[00:06:27] Penny Williams: When we’re dysregulated, we can’t help a dysregulated kid. If both child and adult are escalated, there’s no regulation possible until someone steps away and gets grounded.

[00:06:40] Chris Taylor, LCSW-C: Exactly. You lose rationality when you’re dysregulated. You’re operating from your limbic system. So it’s vital to model emotional regulation. I teach parents to recognize when they’re getting upset and to step away. I’ve even had to do it myself — we’re all human.

[00:07:34] Penny Williams: Yes, I had to learn that my own regulation was step one. I had to show up with the energy and mindset that would help my kid, not match their upset.

[00:08:07] Chris Taylor, LCSW-C: Right. And while consistency matters, I actually prefer the term *predictability*. Predictability lowers anxiety, especially for our “super sensor” kids — the ones with intense emotions who take a long time to calm down. They need to feel like their experiences make sense. Validation helps a lot here.

[00:10:11] Chris Taylor, LCSW-C: Validation can sometimes pull a child back from dysregulation. Even if you don’t agree with their feelings, you can still acknowledge them. That’s powerful. And modeling that — apologizing when we mess up — helps build trust too.

[00:11:03] Penny Williams: It’s also about how we challenge them. If we go from zero to ten in our demands, that’s too much. But tiny, predictable steps can work.

[00:11:52] Chris Taylor, LCSW-C: Exactly. I use challenge hierarchies — from easiest to hardest — to help kids grow. Struggle is how we build new neural connections. They need to learn that they can get through uncomfortable feelings.

[00:14:39] Chris Taylor, LCSW-C: For example, when I was three, I thought there was a monster under my bed. At first, I ran to my parents for safety — and that helped short-term. But long-term, I didn’t learn to cope. Eventually, I had to face that fear myself. My anxiety rose… but nothing bad happened. Over time, I got used to the feeling. That’s what we want to teach kids — they can survive discomfort.

[00:17:26] Penny Williams: Exactly. I’ve had to do the same thing with public speaking and surgery. The fear is huge, but once you get through it, the next time is easier. That’s what we want our kids to experience.

[00:19:23] Chris Taylor, LCSW-C: And that’s the difference between short-term gratification and long-term fulfillment. Our kids often live in that limbic state of “feels good, do it — doesn’t feel good, don’t.” But fulfillment requires sacrifice and growth. And that’s the kind of happiness we want for our kids.

[00:21:45] Penny Williams: Yes! Real growth often comes with pain. But when kids learn that they can handle discomfort and come out the other side stronger, that’s where fulfillment — not just happiness — lives.

[00:25:09] Chris Taylor, LCSW-C: Totally. It’s about small steps, strong relationships, and knowing your child. If you model regulation, validation, and strategic support, your child will feel safe enough to stretch. That’s how we find the Just Right Balance.

[00:29:32] Penny Williams: Tell listeners where they can learn more from you.

[00:29:36] Chris Taylor, LCSW-C: You can email me at [email protected]. Our practice is Rathbone and Associates, located in Bethesda and Rockville, Maryland.

[00:30:21] Penny Williams: Thanks so much, Chris. This conversation has been incredibly eye-opening. I know parents will take away a lot of wisdom and support.

[00:30:37] Penny Williams: Thanks for joining me on the Beautifully Complex podcast. Please subscribe, share, and visit parentingadhdandautism.com for more resources and parent coaching.