I was standing in the thrift store, fluorescent lights buzzing, as my 6 year old lay on the grimy floor, bellowing and shouting, “It's only a DOLLAR! You're the worst mama ever!”

When I glanced up I was met with the judgmental stares of other shoppers. An overwhelming sense of helplessness gripped my stomach. 

I told my son we were leaving and walked toward the door. He literally hung from my coattail, still screaming. I was able to pull us just outside. The cold was both a shock and a relief.

ALL I KNEW TO DO WAS TO TRY TO REASON WITH HIM, BUT IT DIDN'T MAKE A DENT IN HIS INTENSITY.

Sitting in the car, he kept repeating the same phrase in a over and over in a loop. It was as if his brain was a record stuck in a scratch.

His dad and I grabbed each other's hands and cried. It was right then that we realized he didn't have any control over his behavior. He was a victim of his own neurology at that moment.

It was then clear that traditional parenting wasn't working. I had to muster the courage to step out of my comfort zone, reject societal pressures, and create my own parenting journey.

I had to get vulnerable to accept my child's differences and let him guide us to what he needs, rather than trying to control his behavior.

Once I learned about the biology of behavior, I realized that my son’s thinking brain was offline during meltdowns and his emotional and survival brains had essentially hijacked his body.

That switch in how I thought about his behavior — from “he won’t” to “he can’t” — shifted everything for us. Once I recognized what was happening under the surface, we were able to help him through stress and prevent most meltdowns altogether.

This turning point offered some relief, fewer battles, a lot less anxiety and stress, and more confidence in our parenting. Not to mention the improvement in our kid's sense of competence, self-confidence, and the transformation in his day-to-day experience.

And that created OPPORTUNITIES FOR SUCCESS AND JOY for my neurodivergent kiddo.