What music resides in your soul?
What music resides in your soul?
Guest post by Kimberly Beaman
September 27, 2019
Every morning I watch one music video when I wake up. The video lights a fire in my belly and, therefore, helps me focus on the day’s priorities. I had to literally write down my morning routine because it doesn’t come naturally and it isn’t always the first thing on my mind with two kids in tow. How can a music video help? Well, I have always been a visual thinker. I dream in images, I think in images, and I write songs in images. The music and visuals get me pumped up and in a place of love and passion.
As an individual who was diagnosed as a child with dyslexia and ADHD, I thrive on the use of my strengths in any given situation. I didn’t always understand this gift. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I wished it away because I wanted to be like all the other kids who read more quickly at school. And I didn’t want to forget my locker code yet another day. In high school, I would literally have regular nightmares about being lost at school or failing school.
School seemed insurmountable at times, but that was only until I truly found my voice. My inner self confidence was always sitting there, idly on standby, hoping for a chance to shine. From time to time, this inner “knowing” would come to the surface only to shrink back down to what felt like oblivion. Invisibility. I kept repeating statements to myself like, “ I will never be good enough,” “ I’m not smart like them,” and “I’m not going to catch up.”
“School seemed insurmountable at times, but that was only until I truly found my voice.”
On the long, winding road home from my weekly vocal lessons, that voice would quite literally come back to me, as I belted music from the depths of my soul. My self-talk would turn from self-hatred to self-love and a realization that I have gifts to offer the world. Many of the songs I played on repeat offered the same messages of hope and empowerment.
This girl will conquer.
And this, my friends, is exactly what I wish for people with hidden differences who have struggled with low self-confidence and/or low self-esteem. The journey may seem daunting, but it is a journey that is yours to take — you have the power and ability to turn things around. Regardless of your environment and genetic make-up, you can find your voice. People around me were cheering me on and my family was always by my side, but the one person who really had the power to unlock self-confidence was me.
Self-assurance is natural until we are met with resistance or barriers due to our struggles. Self-confidence is built on trust. And, often times, trust is broken in the academic and work environment for people with hidden differences. Everyone needs to be given the chance to shine, not to be muted. Remind yourself of that when trust is broken. At the end of the day its truly their loss. It is your gain to know that you deserve only the best.
So, what music resides in your soul? If you were to close your eyes right now and imagine yourself in a life you dream of, what would it look like? Hold onto that vision, embrace it and put it on re-play. You have the power to create your own story, and so does your child.
Hi Kimberley, wow! What a great story! I have never been diagnosed but I’m sure I have ADHD, like my son, who has been diagnosed recently. I grew up in a village and spent most of my time outdoors. I started reading and writing poetry at the age of 8 and read a lot. Having glasses was my first obstacle, I was one of the two kids in the entire school! I got bullied and later on, in high school, it got a lot worse, as I really wanted to do well, so I studied and worked hard. I didn’t like going out, I didn’t have many friends and I didn’t even care. I read a lot and my life was perfect, that’s all I needed to be happy. Except for the mockery and bullying. I had to fend for myself and sometimes my tall brother stepped in some times too, ha ha!
University made it obvious for me I had some trouble studying. The words would slip away, literally, off the page and I would have to write it all down, organize it and make is visual. It took me about twice longer than it did my course mates but I worked hard. I used to be insecure so, just like you, I think he job I found made me more confident. I’ve been teaching for 18 years and I love the atmosphere I have in my classes and the way I bond with my students. My teaching goes beyond language, we speak about values, prejudices, disability etc. Now I believe everything happens for a reason. Studying and working hard, despite the anxiety lurking in the back of my mind, despite the tension at home and becoming the person I am today. I am supporting my son and teaching him to be more autonomous. My parents were teachers for a long time and they taught me how to speak in public, face failure ( in games, of course), trust myself and work hard. So I’m grateful for who I was and who I’ve become. And my son is absolutely unique, surprising, creative and soooo atypical. If you feel the same, welcome to my world, it is wonderful!
Thank you Amalia, for your comments and I truly admire your resilient nature, perseverance and desire for your son’s autonomy. It’s not an easy journey but the journey was yours and you found happiness. Bullying is REAL and my heart goes out to you for your experience in grade school. Good for you for staying true to yourself, finding your purpose and keeping your values with work as well.
I can definitely relate with you. All the best, Kim