An ADHD Parent’s Quest for the Holy Grail
School can be the most painful thorn in the bum of parents raising a child with ADHD. It’s a constant battle to get the school to accept and truly understand your child’s strengths and weaknesses, offer the accommodations they need to achieve success in a learning environment, and then consistently implement your child’s tailored plan. I’ve been fighting for five years and I’m still spinning my wheels. That’s 1,825 days. Actually, it’s almost six years, so it’s closer to 2,100 days, but who is counting? It feels like the quest to secure an appropriate education for my special child is a never-ending pursuit of the holy grail.
The school issue for Ricochet and I is compounded by the fact that he’s twice-exceptional — he has ADHD and learning disabilities, but also a gifted intelligence. Teachers and administrators see that he’s smart, so they automatically expect a parallel level of performance. If only it worked that way.
Those of you who have read my book know that we’ve been through hell on more than one occasion trying to secure the right educational atmosphere for Ricochet to learn to his potential and feel good about himself. His first fourth grade year, we placed him in a small private school that focused on experiential learning and science, two strategies we knew were pieces of the puzzle for Ricochet. We were open about Ricochet’s needs before his admission and the school assured us Ricochet would thrive in their community. Less than two months into the year though, I was called to a meeting where I was told they couldn’t teach my son. The experience was beyond devastating. I cried for my sweet boy for days, and have referred to that school as “School Oh-No” ever since.
Our decision to send him to School Oh-No was 100% for Ricochet’s benefit. It cost money we didn’t have, lots of it. It was a 30-minute drive to and from school every day. Our family made numerous sacrifices so that Ricochet could attend this school we were so sure was the right learning environment for him. And that decision, the one I was so sure was so right, turned out to hurt my little boy tremendously. He was asked to leave a school he truly loved to go to every day because he was simply being himself.
Three years later, we are now standing at a similar precipice. A new middle and high charter school is opening in our area this fall. It will follow the expeditionary learning model — a very hands-on approach to learning that is often effective for kids with ADHD and learning disabilities. The biggest difference between this charter school and School Oh-No is that the charter school is bound by the laws of IDEA and Section 504 — they must offer a free and appropriate education (often referred to as FAPE) to all students. This difference, coupled with the fact that they will have a Special Education Director and two Special Education teachers on staff made my heart skip a beat. Could this finally be the best marriage of the protection of public schools for a child with disabilities and an out-of-the-box learning model Ricochet would thrive in?
Mr. T, Ricochet’s dad, and I have perseverated about this for several months now, since learning about this new school. The last thing we want is to place Ricochet back into a situation that will only lead to him getting hurt. At the same time though, we recognize that this school, if implemented properly, could be the exact learning environment for Ricochet to finally thrive academically. There is only one way to know, we have to try it and see what it’s like.
Charter schools in our area have waiting lists that now outlast a child’s primary education. The best chance for our son to be able to attend this school was the first year, when all spots were open an available. I completed his application and submitted it for the lottery, and Ricochet’s number was chosen and he was offered a spot at the new school. We have accepted that spot with very cautious optimism. Only time can reveal the efficacy of our decision.
Fingers crossed…
It’s nuts, isn’t it? We haven’t moved Dylan around to different schools mainly because we don’t have options. I tried to get him into a private school, but they didn’t accept him because he didn’t seem happy on visit day. Well…he’s a shy kid to begin with and school was such a nightmare for him at the time that he just wasn’t happy anywhere. Probably just as well, though. Although I had applied for financial aid, they said there was none left (it was late in the year) and there was no way we could have covered the $18,000 tuition. (And the wonderful services they provided for any kind of learning disability was extra.)
The New Orleans education landscape has changed dramatically but not in a way that benefits kids like ours. The good schools (like ours) have become so competitive – it’s all about test scores and rankings. Several KIPP and KIPP-style schools have cropped up but they are very much about discipline and also focused on minorities which we are not. The other schools are largely adequate, largely in dangerous neighborhoods, with little parent or student engagement.
Good luck! Dylan will stay at the same school for middle. I’m anxious, but at least it’s familiar. High school terrifies me because the choice of good ones is much more limited.
It’s so tough when you have a child with ADHD. They almost always deserve more than their getting. I’m scared to death to try another school for Ricochet, but, at the same time, I’d wonder forever if it would have been a better fit if we don’t try. Thanks goodness my kiddo is resilient! 😉
This was so long again. How did it turn out? I’m in the same position with my 7 year old. Considering and EL charter school
It was horrendous! The worst school experience my son ever had. He was self-harming there and had never done that before (or since). We moved him back to public school and he graduated high school 13 months ago. There are zero schools in our town for kids with learning challenges, much less 2e. The public schools here are the best option, sadly.