Letting Go is Harder When Your Child has ADHD
My son, Ricochet, is on his big, year-end fifth grade field trip today. They left the school on charter buses at 5: 20 a.m. this morning (I don’t want to talk about it), bound for a science center three hours away. They won’t be back until 6 p.m. tonight. It’s a long day, but most kids and parents would take it in stride — just another day, with a little fun and adventure thrown in. That’s not so easy for Ricochet and I, for a few reasons: [more…]
- This momma has anxiety. My mind goes down the what-if bunny trail until I’m envisioning my son’s funeral and in a complete panic. This morning I had a little conversation with my irrational fears:
“The odds of a bus accident or my child getting lost or abducted are very small. Ricochet will be okay. He will have a great time. He will learn a lot. He will come home to me unharmed and on time this evening. The rest is out of my hands.
Then I’ve proceeded to perseverate on the fact that I wish my son had a phone so I could check in with him. T minus five hours until I pick him up this afternoon. {sigh}
- Ricochet has ADHD. He takes medication that provides about seven to eight hours of symptom control. After that, all bets are off. He took his pill at 5:15 a.m. this morning. That means it’s getting interesting and much more exciting to be around him right about now. 😉 However, he usually has the best behavior and focus on field trips. This boy is a kinesthetic and tactile learner for sure!
- Last week, Ricochet let his teacher know he would not be watching the IMAX film. His teacher said he could stand outside the theater. Now, I’ve assured myself they would not leave him standing there alone for over an hour, but my irrational brain has me imagining him leaning against the wall and fidgeting for a while, then getting distracted and wandering off. But, the teachers can’t leave him alone, right?
- If Ricochet gets within a mile of a gift shop, he will sense it, and he will have to buy something. I gave him $20 in preparation for this, but his daddy, Mr. T, thinks he will want something more expensive and ask his teacher for money! I don’t think he would do that, but I do fear he might ask a classmate for money. It takes him a super-long time to make a decision in gift shops, but once he wants something, he’s fixated and it ends badly about half the time. Or, scenario #2 is that they see the gift shop but don’t go in. Will he be able to handle that frustration appropriately.
Ricochet was so stressed about the upcoming field trip yesterday afternoon, that he broke under the pressure while doing his math homework. I’m not surprised, since there are a lot of unknowns for him to process. I was so proud of the way he articulated what was bothering him, even though he still had an outburst, breaking pencils and wading up his worksheet.
I was texting with a friend last night and mentioned Ricochet’s field trip. She immediately asked if I was going too, then showered me with pride when I let her know I was not. I’ve learned over the last five years since Ricochet’s diagnosis that I have to let go of the reins in order for him to have the opportunity to take control. It’s definitely a lot more uncomfortable letting go since he has special needs and his actions aren’t always understood by others. But, I have to do it for my own well-being and the well-being of my kiddo. We both need to realize that he can stand on his own two feet successfully.
What was it like when you let go for your child with ADHD the first time?
I have to say that although there are situations and days that I have lots of anxiety over (tests! positive behavior day!) but field trips and similar activities aren’t one of them. Dylan is usually SO engaged on field trips that he doesn’t melt down or have issues. And considering I sent him to SOAR for almost a month, I think I’ve got the “he’ll be off my watch” thing down! I’ve realized that in comparison to a lot of moms (of neurotypical kids) I’m really hands-off and all about self empowerment. For instance, Dylan is one of handful of kids I know allowed to walk home from fifth grade and let himself into the house on his own. This summer, I have just a little bit of camp planned (which will only happen if my husband makes some money). His dad will be around part time, but not all the time. He will have to do some things (including some chores) on his own. And, I’m going to teach him to take the bus so he can come visit me at work.
Wow Dee! You must not have any anxiety. Unfortunately, I was born with the genes to catastrophize things. Not a helpful trait at all. Ricochet does really well on field trips too. He’s always more engaged in that environment as well. The trouble is that I’m a worry wart; and that he was going to be gone so long. But, he did GREAT! He had the best time and couldn’t stop talking about it for two days. I was proud of myself for not thinking I had to go along and not holding him back from participating.
Ricochet has been asking to stay home alone lately, but he is not ready for that. He still makes some poor decisions that could be dangerous. I can’t imagine a day that he will be ready for that, but I know it will come, and I know I will have to let go. So tough. 🙂
It seems my comment went in the wrong field. Oops. I have no idea how to remove that, since I would rather not link to my Facebook.
Rhea, I don’t have the ability to delete the Facebook comments, but you should be able to delete it either on the article, or in your Facebook account.
My son is on the road with his golf team.
Fortunately, due to my recent lower back injury, he is accompanied by my mother, who is 78. I am a total emotional wreck. He has called several times wandering around the parking lot looking for his team, even though he knows the drill. Thank god for one of the fathers that travelled with them. I am not sleeping at night and when I do, I awake to a mini panic attack. Every scenario runs through my head. His teammates are not supportive. They tighten their group of of 4 and basically ignore him. My son is reserved, mainly because he is ridden with anxiety. But, to give him credit, he is handling well.