PAP 066: Crime & Punishment Is Not Parenting
PAP 066:
Crime & Punishment Is Not Parenting
Parents are expected to be authoritarian and parent through a system of crime and punishment. We’re raised to believe this is what defines a “good parent.” I argue that we need to flip this idea on its head — that crime and punishment parenting is actually making you a “bad parent.” It does more harm than good for our kids, especially kids with ADHD and/or autism. There is a much, much better way to raise kids that will become happy, successful adults. Listen in and I’ll explain why crime and punishment is bad and how to serve our children much better.
“We set rules and expectations of our children — consciously and subconsciously. Then, we decide that any breach must have been intentional, so it must be punished.”
Resources in this Episode
NOTE: Some of the resources below may be affiliate links, meaning I receive a commission (at no cost to you) if you use that link to make a purchase.
- Raising Human Beings, by Ross Greene, PhD
- The Explosive Child, by Ross Greene, PhD
- CPS model
- Studies on happiness: https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-reliable-findings-from-happiness-research/, https://www.cnbc.com/2018/03/20/this-harvard-study-reveals-how-you-can-be-happier-and-more-successful.html, https://www.berkeleywellness.com/healthy-mind/mind-body/article/what-science-happiness
- Fear-based parenting and control through power: https://www.jstor.org/stable/1126389, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parents-happy-kids/201404/how-change-your-childs-behavior-without-punishment (see cited sources in this article for studies and publications on the effects of fear-based parenting)
Thanks for joining me!
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In regard to your “Crime & Punishment Parenting” episode, I listened twice and took notes. I may have missed something, but I only caught 6 items of good parenting: Empathy, Connectedness, Kindness, Compassion, Doing for others and Independence. What was the 7th?
Oh no! I just tossed my notes from recording this episode a couple days ago. I think I miscounted or misspoke and there were only 6. Looks like you’ve listed everything. We could add validating your child’s thoughts and feelings — that can be lumped in with empathy.